A Joke of a man.

[Milkdrops]

I feel like a joke of a man. Damn near 26.....never had a long time job never been involved with women...hell never even kissed a woman.....never felt self worth ....always been fighting myself inside and never been at peace with myself. Theres freakin 16 year olds who are more mature and sorted than I f**kin am. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH the humiliation (sry) I want to die but am too afraid to die. I want help from god but he wont come and help me or visit me at all. I would have been a healthy young man with charisma and sanity if it wasnt for me getting traumatized somewhere along the line from a child (god knows when but must've happened). Thats what makes the whole thing so f**ked up I should be a regular happy man but I'm a prisoner in my own mind for no apparent reason. F**KIN SUCKS! but i'd rather die now as who I am and possibly tell the good lord I was dealt an unfair hand to perhaps get a second chance or I could carry on and be a nobody and still be on this forum saying I'm gonna kill myself when i'm freakin 50 or something lol. Thx for readin just had to vent.

 

[BlackPegasus]

Hi Milkdrops. I can relate a bit to childhood trauma that you can't remember. I think that makes it harder than conciously remembering it because you can't explain to yourself or others why you feel/act/ think the way you do. I've dealt with that and disbelief and also later dealt with it in other traumas where I simply was not able to talk about it for a certain reason so I couldn't explain why I was feeling a certain way or being a certain way. This is why I am very big on accepting that someone hurts when they say so. We shouldn't have to prove we are hurting to anyone especially ourselves. As far as being mature well a job, relationships, and so on does not make one more mature nor does age. I've met many a young child more mature than and aged adult in my life and vice versa. You are who your life has made you and with the possibility of a trauma you are quite strong making it through each day. Try not to punish yourself for what you are not but instead look to yourself and find who you can be. I know that isn't easy and it may be hard to see but you owe it to yourself to try. :hug:

Mia

 

[Forgotten_Man]

I am on a similar path to you. I am 21 and have never been involved with a female... and never kissed... join the club. As for the job thing... well I cannot help you there...

Don't sweat it though, the way I look at it is there is much more time for video games and anime and manga and Stargate :tongue: How lucky for you I am not going to feed you the steaming pile of crap everyone else will about you just not having met the right female. Because in reality there is only the right one for ..... the strong. I don't exactly want to catagorize you. So I will catagorise me, I am a weak and nature has shown survival of the fittest.

Don't worry about it like I said.

 

[zura]

Gosh!!!!That's not a terrible thing...try travellling or go for a vacation..Free urself from that bias thought...The more you travel,the more you see people....The more people you see...The more women u can get..I mean juz a woman...This is like a two in a one package...in my culture,one doesn't have to kiss other people or bla x2.....to show that ur lovable...Luv will come...Trust me,U have so many times to catch up....visit Asian countries,dear 'cupid' is there......Am I out of topic or sumthing????What do an 18 year-old knoe bout luv anyway:huh:

 

[Milkdrops]

Thanks for your replys and there interesting ones. I guess what makes it all so difficult is why I am like this I mean why did I have to end up bieng the one in 1000 or whatever who's f**ked up in the head for seemingly no reason. Just some answers would be nice but seems god wont give me any so I guess until then i'll be out here and i'll be waiting.

 

[mindscribe]

Because in reality there is only the right one for ..... the strong. I don't exactly want to catagorize you. So I will catagorise me, I am a weak and nature has shown survival of the fittest.


maan.....its really like that too....

and nothin we do or say can change this...

women dont want a weak ass mothafucka with emotional issues...
5'5 140 pounds....couldnt fight off a midget....

they think all men are devoid of feelings or something.....like all men are supposed to be hard calloused tall n strong......

when theres all of us living as well....just the insignificants...the people that dont matter in other peoples eyes.
you could try to say "oh, u dont need people to value u, value yourself and u'll find that other people will value you more!!"


that doesnt change the fact that im small and weak....
it really is an animalistic hiarchy.....the biggest and toughest get everything...girls, respect....
and the small get the scraps of the alpha males, if that....

you can't just be nice anymore.....a woman wants strength in a man....as well as a bank account....

therefore...

...i am what women run their eyes over and then discard from their minds......

..and then i get made fun of because i cant get a girlfriend. go figure.

 

[TheBLA]

Hey, I'd like to also join the club of adults who have never been involved with a woman and all that, I'm 19 by the way. I also get so angry and frustrated at all the younger guys than me having girlfriends and all that. I also feel that my life is a complete joke, I also so far haven't had a job when other younger people have, I feel so worthless and crap. Just glad to see I ain't alone and I hope you feel the same way.

 

[Entropy]

I don't think your insane, I think you are quite the opposite.

I find mostly that its the insane people who are "happy" "involved" and full of "dramatic problems"...

Take advantage of your position, free yourself from the concern of being status quo, normal, having what everyone has.

Find something .... material or not... a boat, or an ideology, and make it yours.

Just think, you don't have to worry about getting fired from a long standing job that is the only job you know how to do.... that you depend on for your existance, because you never "moved around" or tried anything else.

You don't have to worry about your wife or girlfriend cheating on you, or dumping you for some total looser =)

You don't have to worry about your wife or girlfriend giving you STD's from said total looser =)

You are free, enjoy it, take advantage of it, and laugh at all the simpletons around you =)

Me, im married to my video games, and my hell bent determination on freedom and anarchy. Do what you wan't, the only one stopping you is you =)

FYI, im 25 male, yeah, ive had a relationship for like 3 weeks, been exploited, havn't had one since. And im no longer looking, do not care, porn far surpasses any kind of love a so-called "human being" could give, and its just data bits...

The even funnier thing the more effort you put in to not falling into the status quo... the harder people try to suck you back in, I get the "pretty eyes" and "flirtatious" comments all the time from women, everywere I go, McDonalds, Work, but I take pleasure in acting 100% oblivious to it, its the best way of saying F U to those socalled happy people.

The greatest thing, is being able to tell your boss, "I don't give a shit, but you won't fire me, so I guess i'll continue to "work better then the rest of these pukes", but I do not wan't that peice of #### promotion"...

Also, go work for yourself, its far more rewarding then working for anyone else.

Forget about god, he/she/it doesn't exist and if they did they deserve to feel my wrath and yours as well =)

You alone, are responsible for how happy you are =) no one and nothing else can make you happy.

Welcome to reality =) - looks like you took the blue pill this time heh.

 

[TheBLA]

I'm married to my videogames as well. I dunno, I'm starting to now think that yes, I am different from everyone else, who cares if I never get a girlfriend and everyone else does? As long as I am happy playing videogames or whatnot, who cares right? Right?

 

[Entropy]

Aye, if you are unhappy, theres only one way to change it.

The way I changed it is by being happy with what I got, at least I am most of the time =)

I dunno, I know people like me, they say it to me all the time, but that doesn't mean I have to have relationships, or be comftorble in them or seek them out...

If a women want's me, they are giong to have to lock me in the bedroom, and make me swear fealty to them, before they open the door again.

Albiet I am well aware that is NOT likely... but its an entertaining fantasy.