A letter from my daughter

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Lulabelle, May 12, 2018.

  1. Lulabelle

    Lulabelle SF Supporter

    I've just found a note written by my daughter last year when I went missing..

    Mum
    I loved you so much, I wish that you had known that. Those special memories of you will always make me smile. If only I could have you back for just a little while so we could sit and talk just like we used to. I loved you and always will. The fact that you're no longer here will always cause me pain but I'm glad you're no longer in pain. You will be forever in my heart.
    Until we meet again.

    I'm broken. Sitting in the garden crying. I've caused my children so much pain. I tell them every day how much I love them but I'm not sure they'll ever believe that now. How could I do that to them? What kind of a mother can be so selfish? God, I hate myself for what I've put them through.
     
    Lara_C likes this.
  2. Ash600

    Ash600 SF Creative SF Supporter

    But another way of looking at it, Lu, is realising how much your children love you and that you have been given another opportunity to share the future with them. Leave the past behind, look forward to create memories from happy moments.
     
    HumanExMachina and nobodyknows71 like this.
  3. Mercedesgirl

    Mercedesgirl Well-Known Member

    Your not selfish , you were in a very low place, you are still here now to be a good mother, you are a lovely person, sending you a massive (((((hug)))))

    I know how issues with children can be, be strong
     
  4. dtc

    dtc Getting there

    You must have done lots of things right to have your daughter care about you that much, and you are still here so things can get better. Do it for both of you.

    Take care
     
    Unknown_111 likes this.
  5. nobodyknows71

    nobodyknows71 You know it’s sad but true... Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Sounds to me a lot like she loves you very much regardless of what you’ve ‘put her through’
    Ash is right, look forward and cherish the moments you still have together.
     
  6. Kiwi2016

    Kiwi2016 Forum Pro

    Agree with all above...you clearly are an amazing mom...so cherish your times with her now and into the future...sending you hugs...
     
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I agree with all the above too, you were in a bad place - that is not a crime. You may have hurt them at the time but you can only move forwards now and make a million and one new beautiful heart cherishing memories, you're an amazing mom :)
     
  8. sassy123

    sassy123 Chat Pro SF Supporter

    Hugs be grateful that you are still with them they love you. You are stronger because you have them. I know it’s all been hard but we all struggle just be glad you are with them now. Hugs
     
  9. Lara_C

    Lara_C SF Supporter

    Don't hate yourself Lu - you were very ill at the time and the intensity of the pain was overwhelming your mind to the point where it blocked your awareness of just how much you are truly loved and valued. I hope that finding this treasure from your beloved daughter will always remind you of that and become a source of strength which anchors you, whatever happens.
     
  10. walker95

    walker95 Staff Member Safety & Support SF Social Media SF Supporter

    Pretty sure you should be looking at that from the side of how awesome it is that you're not gone from her. That pain was brief, your return is permanent.
     
    Ash600 and sassy123 like this.
  11. The End

    The End Member

    Hey. I’m a terrible Mom. Never physical abuse but verbal abuse of my 2 daughter’s (mean comments when we disagree about anything, demeaning and basically just a poor excuse for a Mother.
     
  12. HumanExMachina

    HumanExMachina What a wonderful world...

    She loves you. She loves you so much she wrote this note. If you weren't a good mother to her that note would never have been written. You're very lucky to have this caliber of love in your life, Lula. No, not lucky, you earned it and you deserve it.
     
    Last edited: May 18, 2018 at 3:05 PM