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A liar is spreading rumors

IDontWantToDie

Well-Known Member
#1
Hi.
My problem is that someone has been spreading nasty rumors about me... and even tho its not true and all, its killing my selfesteem and ability yo enjoy my day. I feel like people will believe this person, and i feel embarrased as if i had really done something wrong.
I know i shouldnt care what others think, and it is my philosophy, however, this thing has kicked me out of balance and i feew down and wounded.
How to deal with this?
 

IDontWantToDie

Well-Known Member
#2
I decided to write the story since i havent talked to anyone about this. Maybe sharing it will help me to get over it.
There is this gross guy. Hes a homophobe and a racist, an alcoholic, and a pathalogical liar. If i HAD to choose to <mod edit - method>, or to sleep with him i would <mod edit - method>. I hated him from first sight, yet he got an instant crush on me. Gross.
Somehow it happened that this person was in my "friend" group. And one night when we all were out drinking i got super drunk, like vine and whiskey, also i was on my allergy medication so i was pissed, man... and yea.
Latter that night the gross guy showed up.on my doorstep. He knew that i was drunk and he was completely sober. Also it was night and he had came to me by foot wich is a looong walk. He said that he was worried about me because of the texts i had sent him earlier.
We did send him some texts to mess with him, but it was all sarcasm and stuff noone would ever take seriously.
So obviously being the nice, drunk, naive me, i just laughed at him and didnt send him all the way back home. One mistake lead to another, obviously he had his way, but nothing happened. I got sick from the alcohol and him before it went all the way. Thank god.
I wish i had barfed on him. I told him to fuck off and fell asleep. After all this time i really hope he didnt take any pics of me while i wss asleep.
Anyway, in the morning i begged him to not tell anyone. I asked him, does he understand that nothing happened. I explained that i was really drunk and NOTHING happened. I sent him a few more texts explaining that.
He said were cool. At that moment i was too ashamed to realize that he had done a real predator move... i was so stupid...
Anyway, not even 12 hours passed and he, behind my back was telling everyonyone that we spent the night together. That we are secretly together. Telling everyone about how I am and what I have where...
I feel such horrible shame. I feel just... disgusted by myself. And I dont like that he's telling people that we are fuck buddies and shit . Cuz he is gross, disgusting and just... a very bad person.
I dont know why cant i get over it... its just... i dont know.
If someone else would tell me this story i would immediatle tell them that its not their fault and they shouldnt feel guilty or ashamed. But i cant forgive myself for not throwing his ass out on the street that night. I was so stupid....
 
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MisterBGone

SF Supporter
#3
Well, I'm very sorry you've had to suffer through an experience like this. I may begin by sort of quoting, or parapharasing one of your last lines... "If someone else would've told me this story, I'd have immediately told them that it's not their fault--& that they should never feel guilty or ashamed over it!" When intoxicated (as heavily as you were) it makes it extremely challenging, to, at times make sound judgements & wise decisions - with our best interests in mind. So, no sense in beating yourself up over that. I'm just thankful that he didn't take even further advantage of you, in your given state. Now, can you not clear the air with those that were in these Group Texts, or Messangers (sorry, I'm so naive to these things...)? Or even if it is others outside of that small circle, provided that you know who they are, perhaps there is a way to get your side of the story out there, and to present the truth? After that, it's up to them to take your word for it, but honestly, based on your descriptions of him in the beginning, where you attributed all of those rather distasteful labels &/or names to him, I don't know why you would ever want or wish to have any form of communication with him again.

This is one of the drawbacks of any form of communication by this mode, or means. That being, "print!" Because it is no easy to misinterpret the, "tone." As you said, you sent him some nice or complimentary things, that were on the generous or kind nature or variety. And although you'd all known of it's or their intent (the meaning of the message), for someone who is not in the know, and just looking at the words themselves (without this inside knowledge), you can see how he - or anybody, really - could get the wrong message. It's like with the phrase, "I love you." Now, I could say that ten different ways and give out ten different meanings. But without the proper context, it's not hard for things to get confusing. I hope it doesn't sound like I'm putting any sort of blame, or responsibility or accountability or shame on you. For you are the innocent victim here. All I'm trying to do, in the event that you didn't already understand, and so as to perhaps be able to prevent something like this from happening again in the future, is to point out where some things could have been done differently. And obviously, once you add or inject that much alcohol into the mix, sound logic & reasoning have a tendency to go out the window. I wish you well, and keep talking here if it helps! Take care. :)
 

Walker

Admin
SF Social Media
SF Author
SF Supporter
#6
Hi.
I'm sorry this happened to you. Sometimes people are real jerks.
Something not quite so dramatic as this happened to to a friend once. She told people that no, they did not have sex, but that he tried and it was so small he couldn't get it in. (Mean in retrospect) That seems to have shut him up about talking about it.
I hope you find a peaceful way to punch this guy as well (figuratively).
 

Always Hopeless

Well-Known Member
#7
I don't know if this story will help you, but in high school I rejected a boy. He couldn't take no for an answer and, in addition to stalking and being a creep online, he told everyone in school that he was my brother.

I told them the truth. That he's lying because I rejected his advances. I was the new kid in that school, but everyone still believed me and ostracized him as a weirdo and a creep.

The purpose of this story is not to advocate for hurting someone to intentionally cause them harm. Sometimes sticking up for yourself can hurt the other person. But the relief it takes off you is worth it because, in the end, you are the the victim who was hurt and the perpetrator just needs to accept his/her consequences.

I think what's bothering you the most right now is that people might believe him. Tell them otherwise. Tell them that he's lying. Tell them what he's really like and how he treated you when you were vulnerable (with only as much detail as you're comfortable with). It's not your fault - he is a piece of shit.
 

IDontWantToDie

Well-Known Member
#8
I don't know if this story will help you, but in high school I rejected a boy. He couldn't take no for an answer and, in addition to stalking and being a creep online, he told everyone in school that he was my brother.

I told them the truth. That he's lying because I rejected his advances. I was the new kid in that school, but everyone still believed me and ostracized him as a weirdo and a creep.

The purpose of this story is not to advocate for hurting someone to intentionally cause them harm. Sometimes sticking up for yourself can hurt the other person. But the relief it takes off you is worth it because, in the end, you are the the victim who was hurt and the perpetrator just needs to accept his/her consequences.

I think what's bothering you the most right now is that people might believe him. Tell them otherwise. Tell them that he's lying. Tell them what he's really like and how he treated you when you were vulnerable (with only as much detail as you're comfortable with). It's not your fault - he is a piece of shit.
So true. Thank you!
 

Auri

🎸🎼Metal Star🎼🎸
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#9
Urgh, I'm sorry you have to deal with that, some people can be so horrible, and I know how humiliating it feels. *grr
A similar thing happened to me years ago with a neighbour I absolutely hated already (it takes a lot for me to hate someone, but everyone disliked him). I rejected "his advances" (to be polite - he was disgusting), and he told the whole building that something had happened (just eww). When my other neighbour talked to me about it, it came out of nowhere, I felt horrible and didn't even deny because I couldn't really stand up for myself back then. It didn't affect me so much, but still humiliating.
But I like Walker's suggestion, lol. People are more likely to believe you, especially if he's an a$$ in the first place. Just stay chill about it, you have the truth on your side. *hug
 

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