Once again, I've ruined another sliver of an opportunity I've had for some contribution I could make, some way I could participate and engage with humans. Details are unimportant because it's not one circumstance, it's a lifelong pattern. Can there be any hope when you are so inherently broken that you undermine any chance of success you are presented? Why bother to exist knowing that people will not suffer your defects, and any pursuit of happiness using your limited abilities will invariably end in punishment? What's the use of playing the survival game, working a garbage job just to stave off total ruin as anything that would result in a life worth living is beyond your reach? Why not just slide into the oblivion that the world is funneling you into? Humans get stronger, smarter, build on what they have to reach even greater heights. I don't. My suffering is meaningless.