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A lifetime Burning

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by noshadow, Jul 16, 2008.

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  1. noshadow

    noshadow Well-Known Member

    There are no words really for my feeling right now. I come home from work and I sleep, I'm medicated, and I'm self medicated. I don't want to cry anymore I don't want my mind to be consumed with begging God to take me. I'm partnered, yet alone still. I've tried everything and I am SOOO close to throwing in the towel.

    support groups like these online
    therapists who want to videotape my sessions
    friends who don't understand, so they ignore
    and a partner who probably doesn't know how to help so she keeps herself busy with work.
    No family.

    This is no pitty party, I'm not for that kind of thing.
    Just feeling desperate and out of air.

    I'm a musiciain and don't even have energy to perform the shows I have coming up. Not sure what I'm to do
  2. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I haven't had much luck with group therapies. Both of the groups I tried attacked me so I won't go back. I went there for help and all I got was abused verbally. The second group I tried had a therapist there and she did nothing when I was attacked.
    I don't know where I would be if it wasn't for my sister taking me in. She is divorced so I help her financialy. I don't know what else I can say right now. I still get angry when I think about how I was attacked. It scared the shit out of me because I haven't had any social activity in years. Because of asswipes like that I just stay to myself.:chopper:.
  3. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Perhaps what you need is something new in your life or a bit of variety? Go to the cinema, hang out with friends, etc.
    Talk to your partner also, tell her how you feel.
  4. noshadow

    noshadow Well-Known Member

    i try to bring it up, told her I've been feeling like this for a while.
    MY dumb ass asked if she'd forgive me if it were to happen. She cried.
  5. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Are you currently on any types of medications? If so maybe adjustments need to be made in them. If not, maybe you should be. If you are not happy with your current therapist you should search for someone else. This ones methods may not be suited to your needs. Whatever you do, don't give up. Keep talking with your partner and try to help her understand. You can do this. :hug:
  6. noshadow

    noshadow Well-Known Member

    I see no therapist. The last one wanted to video tape sessions. I was afraid of being locked up.

    I am on meds. They have been switched many times, as have my psychiatrists. And that sux cause I have to go through my story over and over even though they have it right there in front of them on paper.

    I don't want to make my partner cry. I don't want to scare her. I don't know....
  7. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    This does show she cares about you. She probably has a tough time expressing the current problems to you and maybe to her self also.

    Also tell those therapists who want to video tape your session, not to. You have every right to decline nor are you obligated to accept.
  8. noshadow

    noshadow Well-Known Member

    you're right. I will be seeking a different one
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