a list of past anguishes

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Beattles, Dec 7, 2007.

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  1. Beattles

    Beattles Well-Known Member

    pardon the somewhat dramatic thread title but thats the best i could come up with.

    i thought i could use this section of the forum to discuss some of the things that have happened to me - intentionally, accidentally or otherwise - so that i and anyone else may get a better understanding of my case.

    i have had 4 suicide attempts.. tried an overdose, slashing, hanging, and electrocution.. all of which failed.

    i used to do backyard wrestling for a few years with a good mate of mine. we were freaking crazy. im suprised we are not paraplegics or some shit. we used everything destructive we could get our hands on to hurt each other.
    i remember one of the greatest things he did to me was choke slam me off a lader onto flat wooden slab which had splinters, bits of broken glass, and thumb tacs on it. then as i was lying there he bashed my knee with a metal trash can, then procceded to "pedigree" me onto the board. if any of you are a fan of WWE youll know what im talking about.

    i had meninjacoucal diease as a child which could have crippled me in more ways than there prolly are ways to die. blind, deaf, mute, unable to walk, ect ect ect. but i am fine now. more than fine considering it covered 80% of my body.

    i have been in 2-3 car accidents (as a passanger) from what i remember. one of them was serious but the other two were just weaksauce i guess. and i also had about 4 near collisions as well. dumbass drivers...

    if i can remember more, i will throw em up.
    if you have any questions or comments feel free to ask/tell
  2. riz

    riz Senior Member

    Well, I guess I would like to take this chance to get out the many things that I have done, intentionally and such....Just so that others can get a chance to realize that they may not be so far from normal after all...

    So...for about 11 years I've been SI'ing. (Self-injuring.) and I'm 20 now. So you can imagine that it's been a long and interesting road for me.

    Now that I look back, I can't believe that I started cutting so young. I was 9 years old. NINE!!! My life has been one long stay at an insane asylum to say the least.

    When I first started cutting, it happened about 3 times a year. It wasn't often because I bounced back from most of the trauma. I used much more damaging methods when I was a kid because razors were not my first choice. I would partner it with serious pinching on my sides....which would get bad enough to bleed most of the time. My tools--a surrogated knife, the sharp part of a tape dispenser, safety pins, and thumb tacks.

    As I got older, I started burning myself with heated metal using my lighter. Also my blades got sharper and the cuts deeper.

    There have been 3 suicide attempts, all with pills. Everytime I definitely under dosed by a lot and ended up just getting really sick and threw up the whole day. I've never been taken to the hospital and no one knows about it. It almost hurts that they don't know because the next day when I'm feeling under the weather, they just think I'm sick and they stay away so they don't catch it.

    Sorry guys. You can't catch this illness.

    Besides that, I live pretty normally. Most friends of mine didn't know about my cutting until they asked about the scars on my leg. I just answer calmly that it's all in the past and there's nothing to worry about. They stop asking after that.

    And I guess that's my story.
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