I'm feeling VERY suicidal again and I know I just recently had a crisis so I'll try to keep from hitting a crisis again. :smile: So anyway, the ex I was talking about before is named Naomi. It turns out that she went insane, apparently. I just found out she does have feelings for me hidden deep down, but she went insane the day she left me. The day after she left me she had impulsive sex with another guy trying to form a relationship with him, didn't work. Too bad for her. Tonight I met up with her and talked to her in person, which made it clear she wasn't in her right mind anymore. That's when she told me about the sex. At the time I hadn't buried the love deep inside, I told her I didn't care and I loved her anyway, as was true. She got pissed off that I didn't care. She kept saying things distinctly to piss me off, and it didn't work. I got a hug from her after dropping her off, hinting there's still feelings there, then she exploded on me like I had raped her or done something equally as bad. She said things that made me decide I would bury her and not have anything to do with her, because she obviously wasn't Naomi. I sent her a message on Facebook before adding her to the block list. In the message I told her she wasn't Naomi, and that Naomi was dead. I told her that Naomi was the girl who was leaning on my shoulder and the girl kissing me so passionately with her eyes closed in the pictures of us, that Naomi was the girl who got drunk and cried herself to sleep on my bed begging me not to break up with her while I laid next to her and comforted her for hours, and then stayed up all night to watch over her and make her breakfast in the morning. I told her I loved Naomi, but not HER. Her response was angry as per what I thought it would be. We exchanged insults for the next three hours over text message, as it was her only means of contacting me since I had blocked everything from her including calls. At 11:13pm -- I was at a hookah bar with my friend Nick at the time -- she sent me the message "i want my fucking sims back" referring to my copy of Sims 2 Pets borrowed from her. I told her okay. Six minutes later I got "and kevin's sword too" referring to a six foot long sword, which my father had bought Kevin (the ex best friend) months ago at a convention, that had been sitting in my room with my sword collection. At midnight I gathered her Sims 2 Pets, the sword, the Outlaw Star series DVDs which I had bought her, and a stuffed penguin she had got me named Winston to which I had stuck a pin saying "My cat wouldn't approve" that she had gotten me at an anime convention. I brought them to her mothers apartment and she heard me drive up and came outside saying, "I don't want the penguin," to which I said "Not my problem, here's your shit," and promptly turned and got back in my car. and drove off. She kicked Winston into the grass nearby. She slung a few more insults at me and said the Outlaw Star DVDs were mine and she didn't want my shit. I told her I bought it for her, I didn't care, and she could throw them away if she didn't want them. Twenty minutes ago she sent me a text telling me she "knew" I didn't care and that I wished she were dead (not true) but that she really loved me and she'd miss me for a long time and that she was sorry. I responded telling her that I did care, and that I didn't want anything to do with her right now. She told me she was sorry again and she wouldn't talk to me again. I told her that if she ever loved me again to tell me and I'd decide if I wanted to go through with it, I also told her that she could talk to me but respect me, I added that she knew how I really felt and said good night. She didn't respond again but I think the point was clear that my mental abuse actually did good and brought her back to sanity, even if just for a few minutes. Well anyway, the really bad suicidal feelings stem from after I dropped her off and proceeded to look at and lock away the pictures of us and restrict her from contacting me. They're still here even now and I'm not sure what I should do about them. I'm posting for advice and some helpful words or quotes to keep me going. Thanks everyone, you helped me before and I know you can help me again. :hug: Edit: I drove by her apartment, she brought Winston inside. If she's still herself she's probably hugging him while crying herself to sleep. I hope to God she's still herself.