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A Little lost

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by novaspirit, Apr 27, 2007.

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  1. novaspirit

    novaspirit New Member

    Im glad I found this forum, because I need it right now.

    Before I go on, ill say I guess im not the text book case for this, but is there really any reason involved? Im 15 years old. I live in a nice community in a nice city in south Florida. I have nice friends, and Im pretty sure they would always be there for me. I have decent grades, and the chance to excell. I live with OK parents, who adopted me when i was young enough not to remember clearly. I have the most wonderful, caring, compassionate boyfriend possible. The problem is that he lives in another country, but we have over come that and see each other as much as possible. He is my reason for holding on thus far.

    That aside, ill let you know I have been dealing with this scince i was 12, primarily on my own. ( I didnt want my parents to find out. ) I tried meds, and therapy, and it worked..but now it seems I've fallen into the same setup as before. What scares me most, ironically, is that im not afraid of dying. I have alot of options, and in recent weeks they have been really appealing to me. Numerous times I've picked up a knofe, raised it to my throat and gave just enough pressure to slice a think layer of skin before snapping back to myself and throwing the knife down. I can't count how many times I have poured my whole bottle of heart medicaitons into my hand, and stoppign just before they reached my mouth- sometimes even having to spit them out -. If by now you are wondering why I would have heart pills, I have multiple conditions that I go into the hospital regularly to deal with. Don't assume thats my motivation though, because I consider myself very lucky with not having a more devastating disease.

    Thats just it though. im so lucky, and still, even with those who love me I feel so lost and alone. I've tried alot to help myself; meds, therapy, different faiths, praying....I just don't know what to do anymore. Im afraid I'll let my Boyfriend, the one I care most about, the one who I know would certainly do anything for me, will be let down by me. Im at a dead end now, that could take my life, and completely insinerate the lives of those who may care. I need help, but I don't know where to turn. Someone, anyone, please give me some guidance. I just don't know where to go from here, and I feel Im not even close to the edge, but rather hanging over it with my final grasp about to give way. I can't do it alone anymore, I need help. please...
  2. lilyao

    lilyao Active Member

    hey!, well im glad youre asking for help because that means you still wanna live. im 14 years old and i think about the same things you do, but with little differences - i hate myself , and much more things.

    consider yourself lucky abouth this and if you need to talk to someone feel free to PM me anytime, or contact me embchintirin@hotmail.com or alfie.a.o@hotmail.com , i hope you are ok, and hold on!

    hugs. monica.
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