a little lost

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by meiguess, Apr 28, 2007.

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  1. meiguess

    meiguess New Member

    im 19. currently in college finishing a computer programming and games development degree. i had been with my girlfriend for 3 years. then one day i come home to someone on msn saying that my best mate had been on the phone with her the night before etc, so i rung my girlfriend and after a while it turns out he had been there all that day "doing stuff" with my girlfriend while i was at work earning a living with what spare time i had in the week. my girlfriend stayed with me that night because i was pretty much destroyed as you can imagine. we was trying for a baby and i had a weekend away planned for a month after where i was going to propose to her.

    anyway i end up getting back with her after we sort things out over time. only for her to cheat on me again. this time she cheated on me she said it meant nothing and that she wasnt going to see him (same guy). then new years eve came up and me and my girlfriend where at the point of almost getting together again. then she said she wanted to go down her friends house for the new year. but i begged her not to as this guy was there. she went anyway and i just ended up spending the night at home alone. i had all these thoughts running through my head. the fact that i was so in love with her and that i couldnt stand to see her with anyone else but at the same time be with her. so i attempted to hang my self. only mistake i made was having a way out. it got to a point where i couldnt see and my hearing turned all funny. i freaked out and managed to get free. she now knows about this. we ended up together about a month later. and had been together since. we decided to give it a clean sheet and start again. thing is i have more problems than just my girlfriend. i am also dealing with learning that my dad died when i was little. and that he didnt just move away. i have my parents constantly on my back for everything. i just feel like the life i was working toward is no longer there for the taking. i dont think i can cope with everything for much longer. i told my girlfriend that i have a lot of problems that i need to sort out and tha i needed a break from her to try and clear my head as she was constantly asking questions about everything that i didnt want to talk about. forcing her way into my probloems where i didnt want her. i have been away from her now for 2 weeks and i immedietly found out this break was a big mistake. i need here there to fall back on. i have no one there now. thing is im pretty much begging her to take me back but she keeps saying i need to get help first. only thing is this could take years. she is now looking to ending the relationship. i can see it. she has a few people that are interested in her around at the moment and im just waiting for the bad news. i plan on going to the doctors tomorrow to ask to be put on anti depressants to try to help cope with everything getting on top of me. i dont want to speak to a councellor. i dont want to share my problems. and it frustrates me more when people tell me to share my problems. i just want to be left with my problems to sort them out on my own. im getting these thoughts back in my head from new years eve but this time i want to see if i can last and that i can get through this on my own. because i know soon enough i will be on my own.i think anti depressants will help with this but i am unaware on how to get a hold of them.

    when i go to the doctors. what would they do if i told them i had tried to commit suicide? and what would they do if i just said i was contemplating suicide? if i tell them i dont want a councellor, will they then perscribe me antidepressants?. i dont want this any way. if the doctor cant help me then i honestly can only see one way out of this, even if i dont mean now. i know it will only get worse when i hear the bad news.

    please help with these questions if you can.
     
  2. Insignificant

    Insignificant Account Closed

    well i'm sorry to hear things are rough right now, but might i add i totally believe you can make it through this.

    to answer your ?'s 1)what would they do if u told them u tried to committ suicide? nothing they will simply be educated and know how serious this depression can get 2) what would they do if u told them u were contemplating suicide? they would first want to know if you have a plan and either way they would try to procede to get you some well deserved help.

    you can solely see a doctor to be prescribed meds if that is all you want to do, but might i add progress will go much quicker with further help.

    anyways i hope this helps at least a little. please take care of yourself you deserve it whether you believe it or not.

    btw :welcome: to sf
     
  3. meiguess

    meiguess New Member

    feels quite nice to be told something positive for a change.

    i dont want help from anyone. if i tell the doctor about atempting suicide i think they will call the cops. which would just pretty much suck right now.

    your saying i can just go in and ask for medication. or do i have to tell them anything? i dont really want anyone else to know. im one of these people who believe the only way to keep secrets is to not tell anyone. the doctor could allways call the cops or my parents. either way would just make matters worse.

    so yeah when i go in what should i say. just that im feeling really depressed and have done for the last year. can i have some medication to help me cope with the pain.

    if they ask me anything about it i will just get up and leave.
     
  4. Insignificant

    Insignificant Account Closed

    first off i'm not going to lead you astray here. if you tell them about the suicidal stouf they are not going to call the cops. the only way any authority will take further action is if you said you had a plan right now to kill yourself. then they would have to step in. because you have these feelings or have had them in the past in no way merits such an extreme reaction on their behalf.

    i realize you want to keep everything secret but a dr is going to need to know what they're dealing with. i don't mean situational neccessarily but emotionally. this is important for them so they can figure on what is best to prescribe for you that's all. if you don't want to give your life story that is your choice but telling them how you have been feeling is need to know information. oh and btw your visit with the dr has to be and is totally confidential.

    and let me encourage you don't just get up and leave. it will be hard at first after all it is something new but i see alot of strength in you and i believe you can do it.
     
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