a little something

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by daciana, Jun 4, 2011.

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  1. daciana

    daciana Well-Known Member

    Well, hi there. I am daciana and i am new here to this forum. Have been lurking around a couple of times checking things out, but only now i feel ready to say a little something about myself. So, here it is. I have issues, like everyone else i guess, but my problems prevent me from leading a normal life or something close to whatever normal is. It's weird, but i remember the exact moment when everything shifted for the worse, it felt like something in me shattered, and i became dark, i began to isolate myself from the world. Now i am socially challenged, inadequate. I lack the ability to connect with other people. Sometimes human interaction makes me nervous, other times it just bores me, so i stay away from such situations as much as possible. As a result, i am unemployed. And as a result, i am miserable. I should try harder to be this and do that, but i struggle to do things that for most people are easy. When i feel that I can't deal with all this anymore, dark thoughts haunt me, and the little voices start to appear in my head. I have suicidal thoughts often, i just want it all to end. I want to see the light, i want to face the sunshine, i don't wish for a kind of happiness that i could never achieve, i really want to live, not just exist. It's tiring, being the freak, but i don't think i should have to change who i am. All i need is to be less afraid. For that, i really do wish.
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and welcome...so many people here have some type of social anxiety...maybe this is something you can explore with others so that you can find a way to break things into small steps and see what kind of interactions you can form...this is a great place to practice...thanks for sharing and I hope you find the support and caring you seek...J
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi hun it is so hard when one has anxiety I do hope you can talk to your doctor and get something to help decrease the anxiety some. Medication does help alot Makes you more like you were before the anxiety set in. hugs to you
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hi daciana, Your not alone..I have socialphobia and agoriphobia..When I do manage to leave the house I have to wear a hat and my sunglasses hoping I don't run into anyone I use to know.. I can't carry on a converstaion because my mind starts raceing..I have been isolating for over twenty years..You need to nip it in the butt now before you end up like me..See a therapist they are the most helpfull.. Meds also play a big part in it..
  5. tweetypie

    tweetypie Antiquities Friend

    :hug: im glad you decided to post honey xx
  6. icequeen

    icequeen Well-Known Member

    i agree....i have this prob through circumstances and it can creep up on you. deal with it now rather than later as it will only get worse.

    i am ok away from home for 1 hour, after that i am twitchy and friend remarked the other day that as soon as i am homeward bound i almost run to get there quicker.

    deal with the agoraphobia first and hopefully if you can get over that everything else will fall into place. i cant go for walk alone atm. try and do 10mtrs daily. extend it each day. i have been housebound almost for 10 years...it doesnt bother me but therapists say its not good. dont go there...fight it now before it grips you. what is it that makes you afraid of the outside?
  7. daciana

    daciana Well-Known Member

    First of, thank you so much for your kind words guys, they're well received.
    Well, i don't know if i am indeed suffering from agoraphobia. What i know is that whenever i feel like going outside of the house for a walk or whatever, the factor that overwhelms me the most is people, so that's what makes me afraid of the outside. I get extremely uncomfortable, and anxious around many people, but i do manage to get out when i need or want to. There was a time when i remained a complete recluse for a few years, and i definitely do NOT want to go back to that stage, and also, i really don't want to depend on medication to be somewhat ok. So, i guess the going out part isnt too much of a problem for me when i defeat my irrational fears. But the social awkwardness is still there. Maybe i should confront more often the kind of social situations that i always try to avoid because of my fears. I don't know, maybe things would get less stressful.
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