I spent alot of time typing alot of what should have been said, but deleted it all because I had second thoughts. I do not consider myself lucky to be alive, I do sometimes, my mind will change 100 times before I think its right, then I will rethink, which is one reason why I didnt post a 6 paragraph story of whats going on. I'm not one to think I suffer from depression, bipolar, or whatever other diseases "doctors" can come up with. I was baker acted about a year or so ago because of a relationship I was in at the time turned into talks behind backs, and lies. I was wrong for doing what I did, should have planned it better. Some may say I have depression, bipolar, etc., maybe your right. Ive taken some meds, for some stuff. Ever have those feelings, where if somebody was in danger, you would put yourself in danger to help, protect, save them, be there hero (?), I have those feelings. My mind likes to wander, my mind likes to think about my old habits, my mind is what needs to stop, I would like to just not think, not to care, not to feel, for just awhile, maybe an hour, maybe I could be normal for one hour I could just stop worrying about everything. Thanks to those who can actually read this, and know what I mean.