A little update.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by WannaEndit01, Aug 31, 2016.

  1. WannaEndit01

    WannaEndit01 Well-Known Member

    Today I am in the office. Commute here was tough, a little suicidal most of the way. All along the way I decided the software I am working on did not work and my proposal to a large company was Fraud. So when I got to the office I did an analysis of the results in the Proposal. The results were as follow:

    1. 13 of the example should work in a real environment.
    2. 9 I am not sure about.

    This means that at least 70% of the results I feel reasonably confident about. So why some results are questionable if in the real environment, most are not. So the document is not a Fraud. It's actually honest. It does not guarantee anything, it just shows "simple" results.

    So if I am lucky enough for the company to go forward, the code should show some success. Maybe very little, maybe a whole bunch. I writing this down so I don't focus on the 9 I am not sure about, and decide the proposal is fraud. Rather, I need to focus on the 13 good ones.
  2. WannaEndit01

    WannaEndit01 Well-Known Member

    End of work day is here. I leave in 35 minutes. Gonna be a tough commute home. I am totally dropping into depress mode. 6 th week on prozac. It's helping a little. I think. I think I'll highlight today's positive events and see if that helps.

    I would say I was undepressed for about most of the actual time in the office. I talked with the Director of Engineering and he has offered me a job managing the initial bug resolution over the 4 back-ends systems. It's not a bad gig because if I do it successfully for say 6 months I can add those skills to my resume and make them look impressive.

    On the my own business front, it is true 70% of the examples in the proposal I put out are probably workable in the real environment. And I added more to the business plan. The plan looks like it's going to tell a good story. I am trying to raise $5,000,000 to build an infrastructure for doing medical image big data search and analysis. We have a unique technology that actually already works to some extent. We have three VC's who are willing to look at the plans. But don't forget VC look at lots of business plans and fund few.

    So these are positive things going on. Writing them has helped me come little less depressed. Hopefully I'll make it home. I am going to leave at 5:45 and try to avoid the main rush. Plus I did not get here to 9:30. Not that anyone watches me. No one actually cares what I do at work. My job was/is dying that's why I tried to find a new one here. And it looks like I may have. First official meeting is next Thursday.
    calvinandhobbs likes this.
  3. WhoaThisPlaceIsScary

    WhoaThisPlaceIsScary Well-Known Member

    You have alot going for you..be happy about that. Imagine not having a pot to piss in, and having to battle depression.
  4. moxman

    moxman I am proud to call Rosie, my best friend =) Forum Pro

    Sounds like things are going well for you. I wish you best with your ventures.
  5. WannaEndit01

    WannaEndit01 Well-Known Member

    Your point is well taken WhoaThisPlaceIsScary. But things may sound better then they are. Destitution is a couple pay checks away. But I am trying really. Well is an over statement Moxman, but thank you. I am making progress trying to maximize my chances of first staying employed and second scoring a retirement check. Sometimes it's really really hard.
  6. I'm sorry that you've been frustrated with the way some things have been going. I agree with what others have said though in that you definitely have a lot going well for you too. Despite that, I know sometimes things can still be tough in seemingly "good" situations. Even still, try to think of the positives and hold closely to them. Keep the negatives out of mind as best you can, and maybe that will help you feel a little better about things. I hope everything goes well for you.