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A Long, Long Road...

Discussion in 'Strategies for Success' started by Niantiel, Sep 21, 2016.

  1. Niantiel

    Niantiel Active Member

    I AM in recovery from mental illnesses. As well as in recovery for alcoholism and light drug usage.
    However, it's going to take me a very long time.
    Thankfully, I have all the time in the world.
    I'm opposed to myself taking medications, and I'm in poverty and can't really afford a doctor or medicine or therapists anyhow. Other people on them is fine, and I encourage that for those who can handle it. For me I have had previously negative experiences...enough to make me not want to try them anymore.
    I'm also rather quite asocial, introverted (self-focused), and reclusive, which has level to my development of misanthropy.
    Basically, I had a slew of fucked up things happen to me, and after much writhing and screaming and fighting in life with it having to bear witness to it all I have decided that enough is enough and that I will do what I can within my own comforts for my recovery.
    Yes, I am aware that there are other options that can help. I am not interested in exploring those.
    It's a bit strange being both the subject, and the therapist to myself at the same time. But I am beginning to get the hang of it and have enough proof that it is working.
    My brutally sarcastic and morbid humor is probably not subject to change. It's just a personality staple. I'm actually quite kind otherwise.
    Life is about balance. You have to push yourself as much away from your comfort zones, as you have to push yourself back to them when you've gone too far adrift. This is the natural order and process of things.
    I have spent A LOT of time with the negative veils... A LOT of time....
    So much so that to be completely honest about it from a point of a moment of clarity and reflection....
    Recovery, feels like a being in a capsule, hurtling toward Earth, and you can feel the heat and pressure of gravity along the way. And when it lands and cools down and finally releases you, you wake up, fall out, and feel the sting of the impact running through you...
    That's exactly what it feels like. Like being on an alien planet, although with at least some vague familiarity that grasps your senses. However, knowing where you came from more vividly at the moment...sometimes, it's hard to tell which is which and which is not.
    I imagine as time passes, that'll get easier to discern...it usually does anyhow...
  2. i wish you all the best in your road to self-recovery, and hope that you find yourself successful
  3. draws

    draws Well-Known Member

    I find it useful to think of my depression as an addiction that needs to be treated like any other. (I've been very fortunate that I don't have the chemical disposition that would lead to alcoholism or drug addiction.) But there is some level that I'm just as addicted to what negative thoughts do to me. It's probably a chemical addiction in my brain. It's all one day at a time, and all the steps. I've thought it might even be useful to go to an AA group or something. Just exchange drink for negative thought. Because any random day I might wake up and find myself just as depressed as ever, and unable to avoid choosing negative thoughts. And then it's like starting over with step one again.
    Frances M likes this.