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A Long Time With No Thoughts

#1
I was on here several years ago.
I got counseling, I got better.
I'm still better.

But every so often, I have thoughts.
When I'm emotionally exhausted on situations and physically tired, sometimes I imagine how much easier it'd be to just quit. To escape the turmoil of life.

And I haven't wanted to admit it. I haven't told anyone that I have these occasionally. I'm afraid... Of just acknowledging that it's real, like saying it to someone will mean I'm back to where I was those few years ago.

I think I need to tell somebody. And talk it out. It's small now, but hidden, it'll fester.

But I'm scared of doing it, and unsure who I want to tell.
 

sinking_ship

woman overboard
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#2
Hi. I'm glad you came here to tell us. That's a good start.
Just because you have passing thoughts, it doesn't mean that you are back where you used to be. You kind of have to evaluate how you are overall - how is your mood, are you doing what you need to in general to keep on top of things, stuff like that. If that stuff is off too, then maybe talking to a therapist again is a good idea.
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#4
you made a good start here, keep talking to us, we care and we are listening. i think most people that experience suicidal thoughts never completely lose them. it sounds like you have mild suicidal ideation so i don't think you should be scared of them. if they stay mild you can learn to re-direct your thoughts when they come. it may be a good idea to tell someone irl. a family member, friend or doctor. and you always have a place here...mike...*hug
 
#5
Thank you two 😊

I normally and strict about getting a good amount of sleep, and not drinking caffiene. (Which has worked wonders)
I suppose I kind of felt a lot of hubris, and when my family came to visit, I stayed up late every night, and drank caffiene.
I suppose it's disconcerting to realize I do still have them.

And like, in this phase of life, one of my goals has been to be more honest with others, and myself.
I suppose this is a step, to admit I still struggle. But I feel like I'm broken for still having thoughts.

But so many historical figures fought with depression their whole lives.

Maybe life isn't a single battle, but a war that we keep fighting, and get better and better at fighting.
 

Lara_C

Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#7
But I feel like I'm broken for still having thoughts.
I don't think so. I still have memories of suicidal thinking which pop up unbidden, and I sometimes think how good it would feel just to quit and "escape the turmoil of living". Not because I feel life isn't worth living, but just idle thoughts. In fact I feel the idea of complete peace from the problems of living, helps me to deal with them better.

If the thoughts aren't all consuming, and you feel otherwise glad to be here despite lifes challenges, I dont think you have much to worry about.
 
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