A Loser in a Pickle

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Illusion, Jul 24, 2012.

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  1. Illusion

    Illusion Well-Known Member

    Alright. So I'm about turn 17 in 6 days. I've been working as a mascot since I first turned 16 for a hair place. Its the most suitable job for me currently since I don't drive, I'm not forced to associate with people personally & I'm a drop-out. Yeah yeah I'm an automatic loser but for the longest time I've just been wanting to kill myself so I really haven't been all that concerned about my reputation & well-being until now.

    I was content with this job for the longest time since they're all aware of my Social Anxiety Disorder so they just tell me to go stand on the side of the road, hold a sign, listen to some tunes, sit after awhile, get back up & do it again. Now they have another mascot as well that works there. She is more outgoing & likable. She'll dress up in costumes, dance, talk to people & hand flyers out. I refuse to do any of that stuff & they don't push me to either. For the longest they treated us both equally but nowadays I think they're getting fed up with the fact that I'm not like her. Its been said that she attracts more customers & I have a few people come in & complain about me for coming off as unfriendly & unappealing.

    My co-workers bring up my hair & wardrobe a lot since they're all girly girls who can get any fella they want with just a bat of their eyes. I get ridiculously jealous of them & often blow steam about it but other than that I don't have any sort of issues with them specifically. My boss on the other hand is really starting to get to me. Since this is just a part time thing so that I'm able to help out around the house as well cause of my mother being in bad health nowadays, I never have worked too much. I use to work about 4 to 5 days a week for 5 to 6 hours. Nowadays I'm noticing they're only putting me down for 2 to 3 days while they're giving the other mascot all the days.

    I'm really getting the drift that they want me to quit & I don't blame em' since the other gal is a better mascot than I am but I can't help but to feel frustrated as well as discouraged. I don't know what to do with my life. I have no particular interests like doing photography, helping people, etc. I don't have my GED yet, even though I'm trying for it next month. I can't drive until I'm 18 according to a law for drop-outs here so I'm really in a pickle. I'm too much of a spazz to deal with people in the workforce & I'm just not that friendly nor appealing towards others due to my Social Anxiety. I really don't think I'm capable of making it in this world & I just see killing myself as the best option right now.

    I told myself though that I'd try to stick to what I'm doing now until I drive but once I drive I need to put in effort for the sake of having a future with my fella. He told me that if we were to still be together down the road & end up living together, he wouldn't force me to work since he knows how I am. He says I could just stay at home but I'd feel bad for not putting some effort into helping out financially even though I have thought about Social Security. My dad is on it for his back as well as his Social Anxiety. I also have a bad back that gives out on me after awhile as well as Social Anxiety of course. I'm concerned about a couple of things though. The stereotypes people will be smacking on me like they do my dad for 'being a lazy bum who can't just suck it up' & not being eligible for Social Security. He didn't get on his until his 30's so I feel like I'm too young at this point in my life. He even told me to try getting out into the world for a few years at least to build a background & I agree with him. So to end this rant, I'm asking this. Does anyone know of any decent jobs that would be suitable for someone with Social Anxiety that isn't a people person once I'm able to drive? Most likely I'm going to be getting responses telling me that there is none so I guess I need to add in a few more details to back myself up.

    Social Anxiety Disorder might not be the only thing I have cause I get things mixed up a lot. I can't pay attention to anything that doesn't appeal to me. I develop a migrane if I even dare attempt to try. I'm trapped in my thoughts a lot since my mind is like a thousand TV channels constantly going off. I switch moods & personalities like crazy. One minute I'm happy towards someone & love them & the next I'm hateful & telling the person that I dislike them. I don't know what I want. I'm always changing my mind about things. I suck at math so much that I can't even count money all that good. I still get a dime & a nickel mixed up. I can't take directions nor orders. I have to focus on one thing at a time or else I become frustrated & possibly violent.

    After describing all my issues... I really think I need to seek professional help. :dry:
     
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Professional would be a good start - if you are actively being treated for any of these things or start being treated for them you should look into SSI also - just an idea.


    Take Care and Be Safe
    Ben
     
  3. triedtoomanytimes

    triedtoomanytimes Well-Known Member

    That sounds a tough life....though on the good side you do recognise a lot of things about yourself. You've talked a lot about what you see as your weaknesses, in fact, I'd say you're pretty good at writing and explaining yourself. I've had thoughts of killing myself since I was 13, they never leave me, but when I take medication it steadies the mood swings a bit. You said you think you need professional help, are you able to get it? sounds a good idea to me if you can, because from what you've described there's a part of you wanting to get out and live a full life.....

    Wish you well for what you do....
    namaste
    t.
     
  4. Illusion

    Illusion Well-Known Member

    Not at the moment I'm not. Since I don't drive & everyone is at work around here mainly, I don't have a way. Maybe I'll be alright for another year if I don't blow my brains out by then.
     
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