I'm tired of fighting a losing battle. It's absolutely exhausting to battle yourself. Anxiety attacks are absolutely not unfamiliar for me. I've had them for long. But they were never as frequent as they are these last weeks. It's just- I'm so tired of having attacks. I hate how I would hyperventilate; I hate how my heart would be beating too hard my chest hurt. I hate how I couldn't control anything. I would be too drained emotionally in the end of the attack I would always want to die. And resisting the urge to harm myself is getting harder. Sometimes I felt like I want to tear my skin open and see red trailing beautifully. Sometimes it's just too hard not to. In most days I'd be clawing on my skin because I was too afraid of using sharp objects in case I went overboard later. White lines are decorating my body like they're pretty when they aren't. I've been so alone, fighting by myself with no one beside. I've felt so isolated I just want this to stop. I'm unworthy, and I deserve no one. I'm not a good person. I'm not even sure I'm still me anymore.