A lot of problems going on; I just need to let it out...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by NothingThereAllAlong, Jul 19, 2010.

  1. NothingThereAllAlong

    NothingThereAllAlong Active Member

    I have trouble posting on a forum. I have been at this forum for three years, and I only have a couplr of posts. I’m really shy.

    Things in my life have been falling apart, and have been for some time. I have given myself a date to commit suicide if things don’t get better, but I can’t bring myself to do it. This has been going on for several years.

    I’m all alone, and the only friend that I have abuses me severely. I don’t have a way to move because I don’t have any money. I can’t get away from my abuser because I have to rely on him for rides to the doctors, grocery store, pharmacy and so on. Unfortunately, my town doesn’t have a good bus service. I’m very low income and definitely couldn’t afford a car.

    Today, everything hit a head. I was mad because I’m Bulimic, and have been for the last decade or so. I keep packing on the pounds. My health is absolutely terrible from it. The doctor that I go to and specialists aren’t doing anything about it. I don’t care so much about my health, because it would be a way to legitimately die.

    Today, I went on a massive self injuring spree over the weight gain, the abuse that I’m going through, the loneliness, missing out on life, nobody calling me for days, and so on.

    I go to therapy once a week. I’m honest with my therapist, but I don’t think that she realizes the severity of how seriously depressed I am. If she did, she would probably recommend that I go to the local psych ward, which is absolutely horrible.

    I have been there and it was one of the worst experiences that I ever had. I actually wanted to die more being there, and most people who have been there claim the same. When I was there I asked why there wasn’t any groups or anything to help you, and the lady told me that it was “just a place to keep you safe.”

    I don’t know what to do. I’m at my wits end.