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A low point

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#1
It's 4:22 a.m. here, and Thursday I just want to walk 30 minutes to the local park, jump the fence, and kms with the surroundings, (can't say the method). I know it's impulsive, but I've been feeling so empty lately, and therapy is basically just talking about random shit,and bringing stuff I'd already done years ago, e.g 'circle of control', affirmations, etc. Might as well just be a career counselor and not a therapist. It brings my mind a sense of solace just thinking about it. I can restrain, and reframe it, but that won't magically dispose of these thoughts; though recovery has been massively successful. I'm much more productive, I do daily chores, studies, and have future aspirations. I even have an appreciation for life. But it puts my mind at ease, and quiets any distractions, like a form of escapism. I could think of it for hours, see myself doing it with a final push, and imagine how I wouldn't have to deal with the repercussions; even though I don't think I want to miss out on what life has to offer, and I know I don't have any problems in my life that I should want to 'escape' from. Heck, life is enjoyable, even with emptiness, sometimes I'm even happy. But it still holds true that I could easily potentially do it.
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
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#2
sometimes thinking of suicide gives us a sense of peace. but it isn't peace it's the opposite. you said things are getting better so can you try to give it more time. if you are in crises please call a crises line or the emergency # in your area....mike...*console*sadhug*shake
 

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sometimes thinking of suicide gives us a sense of peace. but it isn't peace it's the opposite. you said things are getting better so can you try to give it more time. if you are in crises please call a crises line or the emergency # in your area....mike...*console*sadhug*shake
Thanks for the suggestion, but that'd would likely land me in 72 hr inpatient. I know I'd miss out on so many things, but the temptation for a peaceful ending with no downsides is almost irresistible at times. I'm trying to stick it out, but it's hard with no to speak to confidentially. Thanks for the help, you're a saint.
 

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