A Man Can Only Take So Much

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Meursault, Jan 12, 2010.

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  1. Meursault

    Meursault New Member

    A man can only take so much. My wife has been 2000 miles away on business for the last week, and after a few days of trying to get in touch with her to arrange her pick up from the airport, I get an email.

    To paraphrase, she needs me to put our five year old son on a plane that day so they can live together out there, because she found a job, and it's over. The kicker is, while I was there for his birth, and I've lived with him as a father for his entire life, I'm technically his step dad.

    My son and I have a bond that is indistinguishable from any other father/son relationship, but I can't do anything to keep him in my life. I consulted with an attorney- I'm afforded absolutely zero rights under the law, and I may never see him again. Even if I am granted voluntary visitation, the best I have to look forward to is a couple days a month.

    A man can only take so much. I'm left with a houseful of his toys, clothes.. I have a freezer full of superhero popsicles, for Christ's sake. HOW THE **** AM I SUPPOSED TO LIVE AROUND ALL THIS STUFF? My wife's hair is still stuck on the shower walls.

    A man can only take so much. My son is on an airplane right now to start a new life without me. Today I finally got around to picking up some [self censored method]. The only thing keeping me from using one of them is the fact that I promised my son I would read him a story tonight on the phone. I probably won't get that opportunity.
  2. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    You are always going to be his father...
    The man who raised me was not my real father-- but when my mom left him, I would have NEVER wanted him to feel the way you are now.
    It's important that you stay strong for him... even if he can't see you; he needs you to be there.

    I love my dad.
    The lessons he taught me will never leave me.
    I know that your son feels the same.
  3. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I'm so sorry for what she's putting you through. :hug: I know words can't take away the pain, but I hope you'll keep talking here. My PM box is always open if you want to talk.
  4. Meursault

    Meursault New Member

    Wow, I'm really slipping here tonight. I can't stop shaking. I was reading my son a bedtime story on video chat when I saw a half naked man walk past the camera and lay down right on top of my wife and start making out with her.

    It's only been a week since my son's been away, and god know what he's being exposed to out there. Some ******* is playing house with my family, and I can't do ****.

    Are people really like this? My wife's the only person I've ever confided in at all. I can't go to her with my problems now, and so I'm stuck inside my head. I don't know what to do. ?

    I'm legitimitley having a panic attack right now, knowing that suddenly, there is no one in the world I can talk to. I don't have anyone.
  5. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    I'm sorry to hear about what's happening. :hug: Please don't feel completely alone -- SF members might not be right there beside you physically, but we will listen and support you, so you're not entirely alone.

    It sounds as though you have a really important place in your son's life - especially now. If it has to be by phone and maybe a couple of visits a month, those can be times you both really enjoy and cherish. You and he are obviously very special to one another.

    Please stay safe.
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