It's my 15th birthday next week, I'm a little happy with how I'll be with family... But otherwise it's upset me a great deal. I'm so terrified of my age, I don't want to become an adult, in a year I'll be going to college and moving into the next town, after that I'll be moving away and getting a job. I've just been crying a lot lately, everyone is saying they can't help me, all the so called 'professionals' are saying there is nothing wrong with me. Everyone (majority of family, teachers, friends etc) know I'm suicidal, they know about my past attempts when I was younger, the extent of the self injury and they know my anxiety issues and my lack of social skills. And they tell me over and over I'm better than this, I'm so 'intelligent' I can do something. They're leaving a 14 year old who already has a past of severe social anxiety issues, suicide attempts, running away, self harm and a bunch of family problems including bereavement issues because I'm said to be 'emotionally intelligent' It's gotten to the point that I'm sometimes asked to explain about depression and anxiety to other people. In class at times the teacher asks me to explain something about social anxiety disorders, depression, mental health disorders, anything and I'll sit there and explain in detail to all the other anxious ridden adolescents; that includes explaining how a panic attack can affect you. I sit and chat with all the other children in my class about their problems and because I give a damn about others they assume the advice I can give automatically means I can help myself. That is so not the case. And just because I can actually think without having to quote from a damn psychology book I'm left on my own whilst kids who aren't even suicidal are receiving help. (No, I'm not trying to have a go at anyone else, I'm explaining the difference between a moody teenager and a teenager that's actual on the verge of self destruction) I've been refused counseling, that includes bereavement because I've had it before to no avail. It's angering me how they are excusing their reluctance to do anything about my feelings because I'm considered intelligent. I cry every night from fear of falling asleep to face nightmares. Every morning I wake up and have to push myself to make the effort to leave the house. Every day on my way to school I get a panic attack, sometimes I've had to sit in the street to control my breathing. I have self harm urges that are so strong at times I've had to clench my fists. I get physically ill from all this. I've currently been getting intense stomach pains and headaches. And everybody keeps saying I'm fine, I'm just 'A little moody like most teenagers' I keep trying to explain to people that I probably fall under the category of having depression, but it seems like everyone disagrees with me. I just don't know what to do anymore. This apparent 'intelligence' has done nothing for me at all.