a moment of clarity

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by nickyc, Oct 31, 2011.

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  1. nickyc

    nickyc Member

    Ok.so im sitting here staring at the gashes down my arm ans I had what the title says.a moment of clarity.I did it a few hours ago, so I will be fine.I once again am not sure where this goes, so I will share here. A month or so ago I joined and shared a small bit of my story.here's the rest.
    Its been almost 4 months since she left.I took it hard.one of the guys she went to first didn't even recognize me when I ran into him at the local mall.I just smiled and walked on.that didn't bother me.so yesterday, I was drinking at a party.I sent out a mass text today apologizing to everyone for anything I might have said to them because I don't remember.she replied by telling me that she's now pregnant and moving in with this jackass.he supposedly has a great job, great car, lots of money ans a big house.her parents approve and even let her spend the night. Now about three hours after my meltdown, clarity has come to me.I deserved so much better and i regret that I was willing to settle for that.she works at a mcdonalds's and will likely never finish college.she has pissed away everything because this guy has money and herself parents approve.she describes him as everything that im not.little does she know.
    The only one who lost anything when it ended was her.I am now in the best shape I have been in, in years.I own my car, she will end up paying 25k for a 14 year old mustang.I answer to no one.she need permission to do anything.she works at mcdonalds for shirt pay, I am in the running for a warehouse job that will pull 60-80k a year with full benefits.she will be stuck in western Kentucky for the rest of her life slowly becoming her mother.I refuse to settle for that.this company has branch inn several dozen countries, so I can go anywhere I n the world. She has pissed away her life and im coming to enjoy my life more and more.and against what everyone said, I finally got the truth out of her.I guess the easiest way ti put it is...I FUCKING WIN.
    The fine folks here have helped me more than I can ever repay.I thank you for the kind words and tome you spent comforting me when I needed it most.I hope my story can help someone in some way.thank you all
     
  2. BeautifullyChaotic

    BeautifullyChaotic Well-Known Member

    I am so very very happy for you! Not all of us can see the positive in our lives, and I'm sad that it took cutting for you to see it in yours, but so very happy you did see, and all the better for it.
     
  3. nickyc

    nickyc Member

    Why thank you.I know other people have difficulty with their situation and its for that reason that I shared this.perspective can make you the happiest person, or the most miserable bastard around.I want to help anyone I can see the light as was done for me..I had my way out and it was a permanent solution to a temporary problem.I can live with the stares and weird looks at my scars.hopefully I can help someone before they get to where I was tonight.if I can, then this 4 month experience will be worth it.
     
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