A moments courage - then it's done and I can be free...

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by name_unknown_anymore, Jun 24, 2013.

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  1. ...from this hell that I am living. I can't imagine hell being any worse. Why can an evil person do such psychological harm to someone who was once vibrant, trusting and full of life. People used to say when I smiled my entire face lit up. I never smile anymroe. Only tears. No one to talk to that won't stick me in a psych ward - which, I've been there and it did absolutely no good. No one to give a hug. A pillow to snuggle up to at night. A daughter asking me "why" about everything and I can't explain to her......

    Just a moments courage and it could be over. Maybe exchanging one hell for another - but who really cares at this point? The man abused me and drove me crazy on purpose - he robbed my daughter and I of years and robbed me of everything else. So, I get the stength to divore him and he's mind fucking me over the edge while he goes on with his girlfriend and lives his life tellin everyone he is the victim of some crazy woman.

    I don't think a person is crazy when they just simpy can't live with the consequences of the bad choies they made - even if they didn't have all th efacts when they made them. Living with a shattered heart, being unable to trust anyone, hating what you see in the mirror, being afraid all the time, being alone except for your daughter who you love and are trying to hold it together for while everything buids up inside of you like atime bomb and then to try and talk about it to your own mother who then says - well, if you truly feel that way then just do it so we an all get on with our lives! No shit - she did say that.

    God, I have paid my debt and then some...I can't do this anymore. This is not character building or makin me stronger - this is killing me slowly. IT HAS GOT TO END - one way or another - t has got to end!
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I hear you hun an di am so sorry he put you through hell hun Your mother is very toxic person to have said that to you. I am sorry you feel you have noone hun You have here now ok You have us to talk to We will listen and will will understand and not judge you. Your daughter is the one person who will show you unconditional love hun she will You move away from all these people who are harming you ok you and your daughter start a new life now Talk to your doctor get on meds if you have to even short term to help you with the pain for awhile until you are stronger ok, I know it seems impossible right now but you will heal ok you will find someone new who will treat you with respect and kindness not harm hugs
  3. Much afraid

    Much afraid Well-Known Member

    I too hear you, your pain and your exhaustion from dealing with so much on your own. Those are all burdens that are too much to bear. I'm so very sorry your mum isn't understanding and there for you. It's all so hard and then to be emotionally sabotaged by others who should be a support is so wrong. It isn't the same but I'm sending a hug. :hug: I'm in your corner and I hope you will post/"talk" with those here who have an idea of what you're going through. Our pain may not be exactly the same but we know what real pain is and how difficult this journey is...please keep sharing and talking. You can rant and rave if you need or want. Get the emotions out. Be kind to yourself and let others here be kind to you as well. ♥
  4. 5 a.m. and I'm up with another nightmare and panic attack that mr. sociopath is going to take my daughter because everyone believes his manipulation. I have no idea when this will end or what is coming next. Have had maybe 2 hours of sleep. I do take meds, every day...but with the overload of stress it is a fight just keep holding on. I am so tired...sleep used to be my only retreat and now I can't even do that. I can't move away, which my daughter and I both want to do, until something is determined in divorce about revoking his parental rights Her therapist has strongly recommended he never be alllowed to c her again due to the trauma of abuse, but court is supposed to appoint a guardian a litem to do an investigation. Im afaid that person will be "snowed" by this man. He owes us thousands of dollars - we are destitute...she doesn't undertand why and my hands are tied in explaining. I am doing peoples laundry and cleaning houses just to make ends meet and be able to take her to a movie or the pool. Panic is constant. It is all taking its toll on both of us and thats what he is counting on."Be strong, you'll make it through this"...ha, when you have been abused for 8 years...you have no strength left. Only fear and he knows exactly waht to do to get what he wants which is my daughter and my life - literally. I have never hatd anyone in my life, but God help me, I hate this man. So i have maybe an hour before she gets up to get this crying spell out and find some strength from somewhere to at least seem strong like everything is going to be ok for her. Its getting harder and harder to do. I just want out. She is the only thing keeping me here and breathing...if he succeeds in taking that away - he will have finished me off! We all reap what we sow - so why isn't he getting his? Why am I living in hell, while he's off in happy happy land with newest girlfriend, taking trips, violating DVP and police wont do anything about it, showing up at my house whenever the hell he wants and laughing at me. This man is a demon - I am certain of it. I am no match for him - I can't fight him and I can't win. Maybe I can skim enough money to buy some flowers today and work in the garden. Even if I just dig a hole, fill it up and dig another one...it will make me be outside doing something I used to enjoy...maybe I can find some peace in the dirt......if not under it!
  5. ub3

    ub3 Banned Member

    wow unknown it sounds like a living hell your experiencing and right at this moment i wish i had a magic wand to make it all go away but i havent ...except im praying for you...all i have is my own personal experience of demons parading as angels but having other sick and twisted alterior motives ....At that time all i can do is turn to a higher power for help and protection and it seems to be working...Thing can always be worse if we dont fight back and stand and be counted...we are not doormats and deserve to have some peace and relief from our tourmentors .rest assured they will fall on their own swords and have their price to pay for there conduct against we who where our hearts on our sleeve...
    PLs dont give up on yourself life can be full of strange twist and turns...And if you take one step towards the solution the solution will take 3 towards you...your worth more than this xxx I AM WITH YOU IN SPIRIT
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