A much needed vent

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by dizgrace, Jun 26, 2014.

  1. dizgrace

    dizgrace Member

    Wow I haven't been on here for a good few months. I originally stopped coming on here because I hit a slump, but now things have been getting better in small ways and I've been trying to cope more with things myself. I still like the idea of writing down my thoughts like this, it helps me gather my thoughts better.

    I'm starting to think that the rug genuinely may not be pulled out from underneath me any more. Just to summarise since my last post, my parents have now separated and are seeing other people, I am moving in with my partner and our friends next year which should be exciting and I passed second year at university.

    The one lesson I have definitely learned in the last couple of months is how selfish people truly are. My parents are hypocritical liars and I don't know who to believe any more and I have lost so much respect for both of them. I wish I could say to hell with them and walk away sometimes but they're my parents and I love them, I just don't like them as people right now.

    I had a very difficult time with supposed friends this year, I thought I had finally become close with some people at my university and for a time it was amazing going out and feeling like I fitted in. I didn't know that they were all moaning about me behind my back until one day they just blew up at me. My doctor put me on a new contraceptive and the hormones made me depressed, but I had no idea. How would you, unless someone tells you. Instead of anyone sitting me down and asking me what is wrong and talking anything through with me, they all just talked crap about me behind my back and said I was too miserable and was bringing them down. That's not how friends treat each other. I went to the doctor and she checked my pill, changed me to another one with less hormone in it and I'm now fine. All it would have taken is some kindness and genuine compassion, but people are selfish and mean.

    I love my boyfriend so much, I truly do. He has a few faults though which make things strained. My mum always said that 75% of a relationship works perfectly, 20% is stuff you need to compromise and work at, and then there's 5% you will just have to learn to live with, but it's so difficult. He barely talks to me via the phone, he only likes to talk when we are face to face. But I have university monday to friday and work saturday and sunday next year, that's gonna make things more difficult. Shall have to wait and see

    My body still hates me, my hair is still falling out and my feet have got drastically worse. The local GP here is useless though, need to see a chiropodist or podiatrist or whoever can tell me how to make the pain stop. The only plus side is I'm no longer scratching my skin any more :)

    I got so depressed during the exam period that I went to the walk in centre and just sat there sobbing uncontrollably. The doctor prescribed me some anti depressants. They were the worst things I have ever tried, I felt completely sick and woozy. Feeling nothing at all with numbness and depression was better than that. I am now trying 5-HTP which helps release serotonin to keep you calm. Fingers crossed these work better.

    The last thing I just wanna get off my chest is about my friend. Over a year ago I thought my partner and I were on a break because he was not treating me very well, so I ended up making out with a friend when drunk. He said he was just lonely and I was in love with Alex and hurt by what he did so we left it at that and stayed friends. I found out later that Alex didn't think we were on a break whereas I did so I had to tell him. We are okay now, it made us so much stronger cus we both realised what we had to lose. I didn't think something so small would keep coming back to haunt me but it still is and I'm now reaching the point of being really angry. The guy I kissed is now dating my best friend Megan and I'm so happy, I always thought they'd make a great pair. We had to tell Megan about this kiss though, which happened a week or two before they got together or even met, so I did. She got mad at me which is understandable but I thought we had moved past it. Months later, Dan and Megan are talking about it and he revealed something to her that I never even knew and she got mad at me again. It turns out that as we were making out he came inside his trousers, and she thinks I'm lying because I didn't have a clue. I was drunk, he never told me he did, and unless you're physically looking at it or touching it how would you know. But she thinks I knew and was just not telling her. So she stopped talking to me for a while. As my best friend for 10 years it is hurtful to have your best friend do this to you, but I realised she needed her space. A few days ago, I thought it was time to try patch up the bonds. Megan and Dan have been dating for over a year now, I thought we could all be adults and let bygones be bygones. I sent Dan a friendly facebook message saying hey and would be nice to see him and Megan this summer. Megan then text me instantly saying she was uncomfortable with this. She doesn't want me socialising with him in any way. How am I meant to go visit her when she lives with him if i'm not allowed near him?! Apparently I was sending Dan messages saying I loved him when they were just getting together but I a) am in love with Alex and everyone knows it, b) would never back stab a friend like that and c) have no recollection of any texts at all. It seems strange that I've never heard mention of them til a year later but now she is not talking to me again, all because I tried to be an adult and tried to do the right thing. She says I don't respect their relationship, if that was true then why did I loan her £500 so they could live together when they got together? Does she really think I'm any threat to her relationship. I'm just finding it very insulting and it's put a huge strain on our friendship. I hope we can work it out

    Sorry there is nothing of any significance in this message, I just wanted to put all my current thoughts down. I feel better now for it
  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi Dizgrace,

    Relationship with friends is difficult. It was good that you posted here and it changed your mood. I'm sooty that your having a tough time. Losing your best friend is hard but you should worry about it. Let your friend live her life, it's her loss and NOT yours. Perhaps with time, she eventually will realise what she has lost. You should not feel sad or alone. Things happen which are beyond your control. You need to focus on yourself and remain positive. Please keep posting and take care.