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A multitude of feelings

Arun

Well-Known Member
#1
I am feeling so many things. I am feeling a stone in my belly, a restriction in my chest, a lump in my throat, stinging in my eyes.

I am feeling sadness, despair, hopelessness. I am feeling alone, bereft. I am feeling trapped, contained.

A part wants to let it all out, to sob, to FEEL. It wants to be acknowledged. This part despairs of life and goodness. A different part feels responsible and will not allow unrestrained feelings. That's too unpredictable, dangerous? There are too many responsibilities and too many caring people to risk looking at the dark.

I don't know what I need, I don't know what to say. I know I don't want to talk and I know I would encourage others to share.

I have this dichotomy between how I present to others and how I am to myself. I am a very good actress. I sometimes fool myself into believing that I don't have this darkness in me. I pretend that my messy house is just having different priorities. I pretend that it is fine to not shower for days. I pretend, I pretend, I pretend.

I see myself writing this and I see the warning signs, the "symptoms". If it were another voice speaking I would encourage them that it doesn't have to be this way. But it is my own voice and I keep plodding along. Pretending. Surviving. Helping others. Not giving space for myself.

So this is me giving space. This is me sharing. This is me allowing anything to flow out. And this is me respecting all that comes out. I truely don't know if this makes sense to others or if you will resonate with it. But thank you for taking the time to read and bare witness to my internal process.
 
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Lara_C

Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#3
So this is me giving space. This is me sharing. This is me allowing anything to flow out. And this is me respecting all that comes out. I truely don't know if this makes sense to others or if you will resonate with it. But thank you for taking the time to read and bare witness to my internal process.
It makes perfect sense @Arun. We need to accept all our feelings are there and let them out. No good repressing them as the tension will build and they can come out in unsafe ways. Sorry you're going through this, but we're here to support you, not to judge.
 

Arun

Well-Known Member
#5
Thank you Lara, you're right about expressing things. And I certainly feel heard and supported by everyone here at SF xx
 

Arun

Well-Known Member
#6
It makes perfect sense @Arun. We need to accept all our feelings are there and let them out. No good repressing them as the tension will build and they can come out in unsafe ways. Sorry you're going through this, but we're here to support you, not to judge.
Thank you Lara, you're right about expressing things. And I certainly feel heard and supported by everyone here at SF xx
 

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