I have been depressed for six years, I feel the depression and have had thoughts of suicide everyday, there is nothing that brings me happiness, there are only distractions. I've attempted numerous times through out my life, I've self-harmed in some form since I was three. I've been to four separate institutions, none have helped me, in fact they've made it worse with the trauma, degradation, and abuse. I've tried it all: therapies and drugs, nothing. I am well aware no one cares. I have no where to go. I don't have the courage or the willpower to ask for help, even if I could I already know what will happen. I have no one I can trust, no one I can talk to, no one who wants to listen. Parents, ha sure, I can't trust them at all. I've taken them into my confidence on a few occasions and all they do is use it against me, invalidate and ridicule me. Friends, what friends? Nobody wants anything to do with me, I'm practically invisible, and if they do, I don't know who is being sincere, what their motives are, or who I can trust. There was someone I felt like I could trust and talk to, now they don't want anything to do with me because I'm too depressing. There is nothing I can do right regardless how much I try. Doesn't matter if it school, friends, projects, hobbies, chores, work, ... anything. I don't want pitty, I don't want to hear how sorry people are that I've gone through this at such a young age. It's belittling and humiliating and it's not why I'm here. Nor do I deserve the pitty, there are plenty people who have gone/go through worse and are more deserving than I. I am not a victim, I've brought most of this stuff on myself, or as consequences of my own actions. Please don't belittle me or treat me like a child because of my age. I have more experiences and knowledge that are not common for most people my age. I don't even remotely feel my age, I feel ten to fifteen years older. And as far as I know, I don't behave or express like most people in my age group. It's humiliating enough to have to go on the internet to even be able to talk or as a last resort, please don't make it anymore difficult than it already is. I appologize, this is alot longer than I though.