a new record

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by innocencexisxlove, Jun 25, 2008.

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  1. innocencexisxlove

    innocencexisxlove Well-Known Member

    so day, i made it to 29days without cutting...

    it feels good.. but yet.. it hurts...

    i mean, i'm craving for it so bad.. i feel as if i need it.. yet i don't. it's so fucked up, beyond words. i wanna keep going. i want that number to keep going up up up.

    i'd hate to see a 0 again for my record.

    it's so nerve racking... i just get so flustered with this.. i almost didn't make it last night... i had absolutely no one last night.. it was scarey. it was literally the first time i've ever felt so alone in this world..

    idk. to cut or not to cut.. that is the dilema..

  2. hammockmonkey

    hammockmonkey Well-Known Member

    That is awesome! I remember reading in Choke one addict said he had to live his life for something not against something.

    You've done something really hard. Too bad it doesn't get easier. Just one more day.
  3. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Well done. Take it one day at a time or even one hour at a time.
  4. innocencexisxlove

    innocencexisxlove Well-Known Member

    thanks for the support everyone.. it's so not easy.
  5. GaiaMischief

    GaiaMischief Well-Known Member

    I'm happy for you. I treat alcohol the same way as a release for whenever I'm feeling bad...and I know how hard it is to resist resorting to that release.

    Just take it one day at a time, like another poster here said.
  6. xXWhateverItTakesXx

    xXWhateverItTakesXx Forum Buddy

    Congrats :biggrin: It's very hard to start with, but it does get a lot easier.

    Keep it up :hug:
  7. cayzira

    cayzira Well-Known Member


    Congratulations Rachel!

    Hope it get's easier from here on in for you.
  8. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    hey that's great! :smile:
    hope your record gets bigger and bigger till you can't even count how many days it's been.
  9. innocencexisxlove

    innocencexisxlove Well-Known Member

    ahw thanks everyone.. haha you're making me cry [[happy tears]]

    today is number 30 :smile:
  10. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    that's what im saying we need a happy tears emoticon.

    congrats on day 30 :smile:

  11. innocencexisxlove

    innocencexisxlove Well-Known Member

    Today was 32... So much for that...

  12. GaiaMischief

    GaiaMischief Well-Known Member

    Hey Rachel, it's ok...put in perspective that's still a very big number and you had a lot of courage to keep going for that long. Baby steps, right? I know it's not the same thing...but I would have gone crazy going that long without a drink...

    If it's ok to ask, what happened to make you give in?
  13. Epical Taylz

    Epical Taylz Well-Known Member

    rachel, baby its okay
    like i said im proud you made it this way
    and i read the tread about how you feel when you urge it
    and i feel bad that that happens to you love :[[

    i, also, probably lost my record tonight also
    i have to clean tomorrow, and then ill come
    over and talk about it.. :]
  14. innocencexisxlove

    innocencexisxlove Well-Known Member

    Well, I cut the word Slut on my chest, and ugly on my waistline/hips..

    The slut was due to happenings of two nights ago, when I was felt up by some guy at a teen club.. I felt like such a slut....

    And then.. I felt ugly.. because all my friends had some guy to dance with that they actually knew.. and there I was...

  15. GaiaMischief

    GaiaMischief Well-Known Member

    Well, you really had no control over what that guy was doing. I certainly wouldn't call you a "slut" over that, especially if you ended up feeling uncomfortable over what happened.

    And yeah...I know that feeling of isolation all too well...even if it is just short term it still feels terrible. It doesn't mean you're ugly though...and imo if anyone didn't want to to talk to you based on appearance they're not worth talking to anyways.

    Just try to remember the positives, how far you've come, and how much courage it took. Who's to say you can't do two months now? :smile:
  16. janie

    janie Well-Known Member

    u forgot to cut "creep" on his chest
  17. innocencexisxlove

    innocencexisxlove Well-Known Member

    thanks you guys.. really thanks.
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