A new surprise every day

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by allyn666, Jul 14, 2011.

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  1. allyn666

    allyn666 Member

    Whenever I think that things cannot be worse, something happens to point out how wrong I am. Now I have been asked to leave the house. The only place I have to go is to move in with my mother. There is absolutely no joy left in my life. I never laugh and never smile. I used to laugh and smile all the time. I used to have a great sense of humor. It has left me. The things that made me glad to be alive have left my world. Yesterday, I did a dry run for my suicide to work out the kinks, and make sure that everything would go smoothly. When the time comes, and it should very soon, I am sure that I will be successful. In this particular case failure is not an option.
  2. Constantinos

    Constantinos Well-Known Member

    All humans pass through difficult times, however a solution always exist - there is always light at the end of the tunnel.

    Imagine that you are currently in a tunnel, its dark, its depressing - you are walking through the tunnel, you feel you want to suicide - i just want you to continue walking, i want you to continue trying and you will reach the end of the tunnel and you will see the happiness, you will achieve what you deserve - you deserve happiness and you will get this happiness that you seek.

    Everything that happens happens for a reason - right now you won't be able to see the reason but in the future you will understand why this happened.

    How is your relationship with your mother?

    You don't need to do this, suicide is not for you - i am sure part of yourself wants you to fight - i want to get this part outside and make it stronger.
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Ally,
    Welcome to the forums.. Why have you lost so much.. Your smile, sence of humor, and your laugh?? What would it take to get those back?? Stay with us and let us offer you the support you need to find your way again..
  4. allyn666

    allyn666 Member

    I lost them all because of alcoholism. I have destroyed my professional life and my career. I am unemployable. We will lose the house and everything that we have spent our lives trying to achieve. I will be disgraced. My family will be disgraced. No one wants to be involved with what I have done. It is simply to painful to think about.
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    It's never too late to clean yourself up.. Go to AA and see your doctor..He can probably turn you onto some other groups.. I'm an alchoholic but quit cold turkey about ten years ago..I only drink one time out of the year.. Alcohol tastes like shit to me now.. Give yourself a break and ask your partner to help you..
  6. Constantinos

    Constantinos Well-Known Member

    You're going though a difficult time currently, a lot of people want to help you through this difficult time.

    Can your family help you so you don't loose your house primarily?
  7. allyn666

    allyn666 Member

    We won't lose the house because I can always tap into my IRA to pay the mortgage until it sells, but that is selling out my future. The insurance money is the way to go, the family will become self-sufficient, although not with a lot of money. Carefully managed it should last through retirement. And best of all, I will not be here during the pain and angst of having to prepare the house to sell, and then to sell it. I have spent my life running away from pain and discomfort. Usually I do this with alcohol. Suicide is simply a more permanent look at the same thing--if it hurts run away.
  8. Constantinos

    Constantinos Well-Known Member


    I really want to help you as all humans deserve to be helped including you.

    My belief is that all people deserve to fight and deserve to achieve what they desire. All humans can achieve this, you have this strength hiding in you - sometimes you need help to uncover this strength.

    I fully understand what you are feeling and I am here to help you though this difficult moment of yours, one baby step at a time and you'll be the winner.

    Suicide is one of the most difficult thoughts that you will encounter, it’s a tough decision - part of yourself will want to suicide but part of yourself will hold back and think again - we all have these two parts.

    You want to suicide because you feel helpless and hopeless - you feel that no one wants to help you, you feel that no one understands your thoughts, you feel that everyone is just so bored of you that they will be better without you. You feel so alone, so left out and so rejected.

    You feel so bad that just don't want to fight anymore, you are thinking that suicide is the easy solution. "Why not take my life and get it over and done with? What's the point of fighting?”

    You feel so exhausted that you just want to give up. “How long?” you ask.

    I can understand all of your feelings; I want you to accept that you currently feeling that you want to take your life. At this difficult moment you need help, I am here to assist you as simply put you don’t deserve to suicide - no one deserves suicide - it’s just that right now your pain is more than your coping resources but this will change - you’re already made progress by posting at these forums.

    Do you want to fight and achieve?
    Do you want to see light at the end of the tunnel?
    Do you want to love and to be loved?
    Are you a winner?
    Are you willing to fight?

    I want you to answer as truthfully as you can to the questions above, i just need a Yes/No answer.

    All tunnels have an exit, some tunnels are shorter and others are longer - all tunnels have an entrance and an exit. You will enter into the dark but you will see the end of the tunnel and you will see the light that you are looking for - the journey will be difficult, you will pass through many adventures, you will pass through life and death many times BUT the end result will be YOU getting out as the winner. You can do this, you can achieve this - you can fight of suicide - I know you can do this and deeply you also know that you can do this. There are no deadlines, there are no dates and no times - I just need you to flow with the time - I know and you know that you can do this.

    Have faith in yourself, trust yourself, and love yourself.

    I just want you to be patient, you may need some time to be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel - this is absolutely fine, there is no predefined amount of time that you should be in the tunnel.
  9. allyn666

    allyn666 Member

    This tunnel is way too long and way way too dark. It has crushed my soul. I do not want to exit it. There is simply no point.
  10. Constantinos

    Constantinos Well-Known Member

    I am sure you would want to find the happiness that you deserve to have, we all including you deserve to find this happiness - you deserve to see the light at the end of the tunnel and you will see the light.

    The tunnel may be long and dark however as dark and as long as it is you can pass it and get out as the winner.

    Time is very important factor here, you will get out of the tunnel - i just want you to trust yourself that you can get out of this tunnel because you can - you have the strength, you have the power and you have the will to do this.
  11. allyn666

    allyn666 Member

    I spent my entire life until now outside of the tunnel. I was given everything, a great life, a great family, success in everything I did. Despite all that I am an alcoholic and spent years whittling away at all the great things in my life, never, ever appreciating them. Now they all all gone, EVERYTHING. After thumbing my nose at life, death is all that I deserve.
  12. Constantinos

    Constantinos Well-Known Member


    The same way you had everything you wanted before you will have everything again - we all pass through difficult times, including you and me - i may now be positive but i have a long history behind me - i've been through suicide but, i've been through the tunnel for many months but i've won over suicide - you can also win over suicide.

    No one deserves to suicide, there is no reason to suicide.
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