A Nice Hi Before I Want To Die *Trig*

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Dubstepper, Apr 1, 2008.

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  1. Dubstepper

    Dubstepper Staff Alumni

    Hey Everyone. I Apologize For The Capitalized Words. I Use My Phone For Internet. I Plan On Taking Something I'll Never Want Back. Who Could Appreciate A Crappy Life Such As Mine. I Lie Because I Want To Show I Can Do What I Know I Can't. My Fiance Doesn't Realize I Don't Mean To Fail But It's The Only Thing I Do Right. She Is Mad About The Fourty Five Cuts Up And Down My Arms. And Yet I Can't Cut Deep Enough. Help.
     
  2. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I'd say you cut deep enough - you got my attention. Maybe your fiance is upset that you are hurting yourself. If she loves you enough to be your fiance she must not want you to be hurting yourself. Are you now, or have you ever, had any counseling about your self-harming? I've never self-harmed, unless you count drinking myself to death for the last year. I can understand how she'd be upset to find the one she loves hurting himself. Please, if you haven't already done so, please consider counseling for your self harm issues. If I were someone's Beloved, I wouldn't want them hurting themselves. As long as there's life, there's hope. Please get help, for yourself, and for the one you love. I care

    :hug:
     
  3. Patch

    Patch Well-Known Member

    I would be worried if your fiance didn't care about your cuts. She obviously loves you and doesn't want you to hurt yourself. Please consider getting counseling or some kind of help. I'm sure you want the rest of your life with this woman to be wonderful.
     
  4. Dubstepper

    Dubstepper Staff Alumni

    But That's What I'm Afraid Of. Getting Help Is Admitting That What I Do Is Wrong. I Love Her And Vice Versa But I Don't Love Me. Being Told That Someone Resembles Me Is Nice And That People Remind Others Of Me But To Hear That I Look Like My Father. Shi*bag That He Is For Leaving My Mom. Is A Trigger, I Guess You Guys Call It. Being Compared Towards Someone Else Is My Trigger. Being Shown My Flaws Sends Me Back Into Depression. I Must Admit I Stopped For A Year Using An Old Rubber Band Trick But Now It's Back. Where Do I Belong
     
  5. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    First off, getting help for something doesn't mean it's "wrong" or "bad". It just means that you've encountered something - whether it be a person or situation or suchlike - only means that you acknowledge that the problem is harmful to you... or, in your case, possibly to others, like your fiance. I'm not trying to trigger you, and would never compare you to others, except others in your circumstances who are hurting, inside and out. I'm just trying to say that self harm, like my drinking to excess, is dangerous and not a good thing to do to yourself. The other thing is this: one of these days you may - intentionally or not - cut too deep and bleed to death. Now THAT would likely hurt your fiance very badly, I imagine. I've lived long enough to know that the only thing constant is 'change', and that no matter how bad things may seem to you right now, it's always possible that things will change. The only time they won't change is if you're not here. I'd hate to think of your fiance having to suffer the agony of your early demise and all that that entails, but you too have possibilities you can't imagine, but you HAVE TO BE AROUND TO SEE THE POSSIBILITIES.

    I'm trying to improve my life and my chances for better things by stopping drinking before it stops me. I hope you can want to stop self harming enough to get some help before it's too late.

    I care.:hug:
     
  6. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i know what it's like to leave behind a habit like cutting. you think 'what will i do now' ie how on earth will i deal with the pain if i give this up. but as you develop other supports it gets easier. takes alot of courage to ask for and receive help, you have my respect that you are have posted here. when you are ready for professional help we'll be here to support you.
     
  7. Dubstepper

    Dubstepper Staff Alumni

    You Know. I Like That Thought. I Need To Be Here To See The Possibilities. Good News. I Forgot My Blades So I'm Not Cutting During Lunch. Accidental But Good Huh.
     
  8. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Yes, very good, and maybe not so "accidental" after all.:smile:
     
  9. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hello, Welcome to the forum :hug:
     
  10. Lead Savior

    Lead Savior Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the forum
     
  11. carol2237

    carol2237 Guest

    Hey hun, Welcome to the forums :) Feel free to Pm if you need to chat *huggles*

    Caroline
     
  12. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    :welcome: to the forum.
     
  13. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    Welcome
     
  14. Falcon0006

    Falcon0006 Well-Known Member

    Depression, or in some cases the going into depressing, is A huge causation of death in the world. Sometimes It makes us give up on a condition and it overwhelms us, Sometimes It makes us result to suicide, and sometimes it Results in alcohol abuse which causes death. Depression Is just as bad as any disease, infact its worse then the disease's itself because it cause's us to give up fighting. Yet as it's become such a common role in society, and seem's so IMpossible to cure we are given up on.

    Depression is when the chemicals in the brain that instate the happiness feelings which keep us away from the insecurities, fears, in life, Stop acting properly. Sometimes this is only momentary Adolescense which lasts about 3 months to a year and other times It will never leave us.

    I've recently become depressed, but im a perfectionist, so I won't Live with depression. I Find a cure or I die. Which is annoying, but There must be a cure out there somewhere So i'm just kind of thriving on that feeling. The worst thing is the lack of good options in depression. There's only 3 or 4 options to consider.

    .Do nothing, Try and just occupy yourself with thought In hope that happiness chemicals will LAUNCH into your brain and you'll go back to normal.

    . Drink or Antidepressents, Drink only fakes the chemicals, which is why after you drink you'll probably feel the same as you did before-hand, or sometimes worse. You then begin to depend on it, as it's so good at faking the chemicals that you begin to believe that its making you happy. Anti-depressants Create the chemicals, Which is why its so reccomeded in today's society. However, it's forcing the chemicals on, which means that once stop taking the chemicals, your back to where you started with no chemicals, which is why They begin to become loopy, and eventually Go mad.

    .Suicide or Attempting suicide, the reason we can relate to suicide, is because we are ignorant about what happens. We really don't know what's gonna be the first thing we see on the other side. And maybe on the other side, we don't get insecurity, brain chemicals, all this. So it's why people can take the plunge. Because although people say its so bad, we don't truly know.

    .Mental Rehab, In many different ways Psycological evaluation from shrinks, Clinics, E.t.c. But that's probably the hardest route to take, as who knows if it will help? Who knows what journey we will face. Who knows how long it will take? Who knows If we'll die before we can Fix Anything.

    And I'm not here to reccomend anything, Im going through depression aswell, And I know its impossible to make a choice that will seem right all the time. The fact is, and I know its impossible to see this in a light, but we are Blameless. In everything. Down to the start of mankind, we have always had insecurities, which would be eliminated by chemicals, The depressed people are the people who see everything for what it is. A bad thing happens to us, we try and fix ourselves, No chemicals To tell us what's happy, we get depressed. Humanity is a virus. We destroy everything, and we rely on rescourses from everything else to keep us going, as we know that in the end, we serve no purpose, but to give ourselves purpose. So i guess in the way what You should take from this is, you have to make a choice out of the list. Suicide, Mental rehab, Chemical production, Nothing. Because in the end its all we can do.

    The other thing, I guess, but this I see as futile, as it's practically impossible to do this, is to find the chemicals which make you so happy, and then try and trick yourself. A lot of the time thats what shrinks try to do to you. And I know you may be thinking, CHEMICALS? bullshit! But, watch a terribly scary film, And you'll know what chemicals Im on about. That rush of scariness fear, is what I call the NEGATIVE chemical produced by your brain which is easy for us to get, So the thing is to get POSITIVE chemicals. There are ways to get it, like to fall IN love MADLY, and nothing go wrong in the relationship for a while, Or to have a love of a pet, Puppy is a good example as they produce a happiness inside you, Like oh LOOK at the cute little puppy. But trying to do this is like Trying to split an atom by yourself. But, once you do, you should get a BOOM! of happiness. But I dont want to create false hope for you, as harsh as that may sound, because That's VERY very VERY hard to do.
    One of the tough things about depression, is that no one else recognises it as one of the hardest things to deal with in the entire world, As their stuck in their happiness world, not recognising what a HUGE HUGE HUGE deal it is. Its like having cancer, and everyone just ignoring it. the truth is no one knows how to help each individual, So they get scared and kind of Move away from you. What really needs to happen is medical science To start getting of their arse and actually treating it EXTREMELY seriously. But I think it will Be a while before that happens.

    I don't know what you CAN take away from this, because I cant really take away anything, I think the only thing we can do Is try to be decisive. Or let someone Who is extremely caring be decisive for us. Otherwise we're stuck for good.
     
  15. BlackPegasus

    BlackPegasus Well-Known Member

    Welcome! I understand a bit where you come from. I'm not much of a cutter unless I get psychotic...but then I could totally rip myself apart as opposed to doing it to someone else. So anyway my fiance cut himself the other day when I was talking about hurting myself. Uggg!! That sure put a stop to it for me.
     
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