A Nightmare

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Illusion, Jun 9, 2011.

  1. Illusion

    Illusion Well-Known Member

    Well a nightmare occurred in my home tonight. You can't really name anyone specific to blame since we all lost it. My 5 months old half sister was being really ill since she was sick and wanted someone to hold her. My mom was busy & I was tired of watching her after nearly 5 hours today. I gave her to my step dad (her father). He then started running his mouth about how my moms got her spoiled to where she wants to be held all the time now. I was stressed out at the time from her temper tantrums so I called her a spoiled brat as well. He then brought up that I was a spoiled brat as well and that he was never raised the way we're raised. Hes always running his mouth about me. ALWAYS. Every day he says something negative about me. I lost it. Even though it was my fault as well, I just couldn't stand it anymore. I knocked one of my sisters toys out of my way and slammed my door really hard before I did something even worse. My mom then grabbed my sister from him by the sounds of it & asked what was going on and them 2 got into an argument bout the whole thing. Next thing I know hes trying to beat her up while shes holding my sister so my mom puts her in her play pen and she starts screaming like crazy while them 2 nearly go at it. I lost it COMPLETELY then, stormed out of my room and nearly pounced him and punched him hard. He then turns around, hits me & then pushes me backwards nearly hitting the wall hard if my mom hadn't had got in the way. I tried to swing a punch back at him and he tried to swing one at me as well. She kicked him out & told me that she was sick of my face and to go in my room & stay there. She also told me that everything was my fault. Everything is always my fault.

    Regardless of other things hes doing to hurt her like cheating on her & calling her negative things everyday as well, she still stays with him for his money & to have a way around since she can't really drive. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of her dating assholes that call us both names & try to fight us. You can think of this whole situation as a teen angst thing, I don't give a fuck, but if you only knew how this has all been building up in me over the years. My mom has got it in her head now that shes worthless & needs a guy to make it in this world. I don't want her thinking like that. I'm tired of her living a life I know she dreads waking up to everyday just as much as me! Hell.. Probably more than me. Shes just better at hiding it & tolerating shit than I am. I've done been through so much when it comes to taking names all my life and getting physically hurt by people. Most people nowadays think I'm a bitch for being that way. I don't care. I rather come off as a bitch than tolerate anymore of what I've already been through from people. I want a change. I'm tired of the way life has been since my parents divorced.

    Now things around here are going to be awkward since he ended up coming back for now. He only came back cause of my sister.. As harsh as it sounds, I wish she would have never been born into this cold dark hateful life we're all living. I told my mom to get an abortion or at least put her up for adoption when I found out she was pregnant. She thought of me being selfish by saying that and ignored me when with all honesty I knew a day like this would come. I knew that he still wouldn't change and that there would only be just 1 more extra member that has to live through this. Her being around only makes things harder cause we all try to be a sugarcoated happy family for her sakes but we just loose it to much cause we're NOT a happy family. As a matter of fact we're not even a family. We're just people living together in fear of being alone & broke. I've said it a lot but I'll say it again.. I'M TIRED OF IT. Yeah things can be worse & some may have it worse but I just don't give a fuck right now. I wasn't even gonna post anything bout it on here but I know I better so I can at least sleep some. Pfft. Staying up as much as I can though to avoid waking up to another tomorrow.

    Perhaps I should also mention how my mom claims hes "joking around". I don't like how he jokes around. Insults and provocative stuff are his humor & a nearly 16 year old girl shouldn't be dealing with that from a 40 year old man. He'll wrap his arms around me, rub my legs, slide his hand in my shirt nearly & smack my butt as joking around. I don't like being joked around that way! I tell my mom but she just tells me to gain a sense of humor. What kind of bloody humor is that!? Not to mention that he barely takes care of my sister. He may work all the time but he still has a daughter. He should deal with the consequences of bringing life into the world by being there for her more. He hasn't fed her nor changed her diaper since she was 2 months old I don't think.. I'm doing more than hes doing!!! I'm practically raising his daughter that doesn't even have the same DNA as me.

    Random Edit:
    A song that matches me pretty well would be Because of You - Kelly Clarkson. =___=
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 9, 2011
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    It is so thoughtful that you are raising her...I did the same with my brother and I know what it is like to loose your childhood in that way...it sounds like there are so many family issues...is there someone you can talk to so that you have a place to express this and learn how to cope? Please do not blame yourself; although you did not handle it in the best way,they should be caring for you..it is unfair...please continue to let us know how you are doing and please have someone to talk to if the abuse gets any worse...J
  3. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    You are far more thoughtful than I. If I was in your situation my sibling would be leashed to its playpen when I am supposed to be watching it.

    As for "gaining a sense of humor ", as your mom puts it. I would take a page out of anime. You know when he starts getting friendly. Punch him and then jump off giggling calling him a pervert. You could also make up a story for your mom. Talk about how tempted you are to jump his bone. After all, he is so gosh darn sexy right? Sometimes you just have to push the right buttons. Well and sell the performance.

    Of course I am evil. I think the anime route is a safer route. You can write him off as having no sense of humor. You were just trying to be shy and cute. Of course there is a patience option. Just wait until you can move out. Do so and never return.
  4. Illusion

    Illusion Well-Known Member

    Thanks.. I pretty much gave up most of my childhood at 9 years old cause of "family issues".

    LOL. ewwww I don't find him attractive at all. I laughed though. But yeah.. I didn't plan on really leaving my mother cause I'd have nowhere to go. I can't be on my own. We'll see what happens along the way though.
  5. Illusion

    Illusion Well-Known Member

    A random note.. I will admit that I am selfish and unthoughtful at times but I try not to bash myself much about it since I'm only human.. Its others that tend to bash me bout stuff which therefore results in guilt of existence for me.
  6. Mr Stewart

    Mr Stewart Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry you're stuck in this living situation.

    1. This man's behaviour and violence resulting from it are not your fault. They are his.

    2. His touchy feely "joking around" is not okay. Not to mention him hitting you and your mother. Tell him NO, tell him to STOP. If he doesn't stop, tell your mom. If your mom won't listen, call domestic crisis line, call the police. I'm serious.

    I'm worried.
  7. LightInTheDarkestNight

    LightInTheDarkestNight Well-Known Member

    First of all I'm very sorry for your situation I really wish you, your sister or your mom didn't have to be in that position.

    "joking around" is an excuse abusers use. Basically it's minimizing and claiming it wasn't intended to be harmful or it isn't.

    That also sounds like sexual harassment he is supposed to be an authority figure yet he crossing the line in many ways. Emotional abuse, physical and even sexual "joking around".

    Tell him that isn't okay if goes that far, let him no he can't do that. Abusers or psychological manipulators most often like to pick on the weak unless their really looking for a challenge.

    It sounds like he has a fuse and a short temper there is never an excuse for hitting a women let alone a minor when you're supposed to be a grown adult.

    I may not be able to relate but I think I have a pretty good understanding why you're so upset. You mom is dependent on him so that makes it easier for him to take advantage of her. When you get mistreated and taken advantage of it ends up making hurting your self esteem and self worth in that way being a victim is cyclical.


    Not to be too technical but when you have the same parents you have 50% of the same DNA which makes me guess that you have 25% of the same DNA as your sister.

    Sorry it's a habit I got from my dad about having to be correct in proper.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 9, 2011
  8. Illusion

    Illusion Well-Known Member

    I've tried a few times already and my mom won't listen. She nearly called the cops last night but before she could press the last 1 he had done left. I fear causing a scene with it comes to the law. My mom would still find a way to say it was all my fault like always.
  9. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    you could move in with me? lol :p

    i just checked flight costs and they're like $5200 one way lol(thats from Atlanta...they didnt have any airports listed in your state o_O).

    does sound like things could go bad one day. i'd have an emergency bag packed incase that 'bad thing' happens and you can up and go to a friends place/interstate to relatives etc.

    i hope ur mum cheats on him with a better guy XD
  10. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I meant to say that kind of stuff to see if you can get a rise out of your mom. Hopefully she won't call your bluff.

    In the end it is not ok for him to do what he is doing. unfortunately you are the only one who has the power to stop it. Your mother may not take it seriously but your school will.

    Again there is always the innocent violence of anime :cazza:
  11. Illusion

    Illusion Well-Known Member

    lol. I wish. I thought bout that recently since we're so much alike. It would be fun :p. By the way.. I do believe they have some airports here in SC. I looked online just now and Greer has some.

    I'm not in school. I dropped out. I would have been to worried to tell a school counselor bout my home life anyways. I try to ignore all the bad stuff but I just lost it that night. My mom claims that them 2 aren't dating anymore yet they hug, kiss and she mentioned something like "tomorrow, I'm tired tonight". My mom kept telling me to give him a hug but I wouldn't. He ended up hugging me and kissing me on the forehead.. I'll admit I got softened up a bit at that moment. Then he smacked my butt and I got a bit aggravated again.
    I guess my mom is going to try to "work things out" again for the sakes of my sister. Also for the sake of her fear of being alone & broke...
  12. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Hmmm well at least they are trying to work things out. That is better than letting such a young child get caught up in this drama.

    There are plenty of places to go to tell others of your troubles. :sad: I hope you can go back to school soon. It is the best way to escape stuff like this.
  13. Illusion

    Illusion Well-Known Member

    Not really. I wouldn't be allowed back in public schools anyways. I'd have to be homeschooled so no difference. Just more hell. But yeah.. I guess you're right bout them trying to work things out. I just get tired of the same old cycle but hey.. Life is just one big aggravating cycle to isn't it?
  14. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Only if you let it be hun. If you keep letting the tides of fate carry you then it will always be. Try moving your arms and legs. You will be surprised at how a little motion can change your life completely.

    I hope you will finishe getting your education. That is one of the best ways to get out of your current situation.