This is my first post, so bare (is that right?) with me, this will be incredibly unorganized and missing key information, probably. Also, a little preface, I'm not 31 like my profile suggests; I'm 15. I said I was because I didn't care to find out the policy on minors. Anyway, where to start? I'll start with why my life is terrible I suppose, and why I want to die, but am too afraid to. To give some reference point, I live in a bottom-lower class family in rural Ohio. We've been homeless twice, and currently are living in a Craigslist pull-behind camper. It's bad. Real bad. First, I'm covered in acne, which is probably my biggest issue with myself personally. When I say covered, I mean covered, head to toe. I have braces too. And wear glasses. Guess what that sounds like? Don't pretend like you're a saint and don't judge people based on looks. I do, you do, everyone does. I'm just gona ramble on about my problems and what I'm currently doing, I don't know how these things work. Second, I'm socially awkward. Big surprise, huh? Not in the typical sense though. I can talk to people, I just hate to. People are the worst, and they're so damn stupid. I guess I'm introverted not awkward. Third, I love someone. Yeah, yeah, I know, too young to know, right? I really do though. That's a good thing, right? Errrnt! Wrong. She doesn't like me. I asked her to homecoming recently, and she said yes. Wow, maybe my life isn't trash after all, huh? Wrong again."I'm really glad you asked me to homecoming but we're just going as friends, right?". She went because she didn't want to make me feel bad, and I stood there awkwardly the entire dance other than the slow songs. It was miserable. Just yesterday I asked her to go do something with me. "I don't know if that would be a good idea". I've loved her for 3 years. I still do. There's some history I'm not getting into, but it's been good between us. Nothing interests me. Everything is stupid and boring. I don't feel "alone" or "sad". I just hate myself and have reasoned my way to suicide, I just cant act on it because I have a rational fear of death. My reasoning is 1) I'll never have kids due to the way I look. 2) The goal of life is to reproduce eventually (even though my attraction to "Her" is almost entirely non sexual) 3) There is no reason to live if you cannot reproduce. I'm lazy. I just am. I don't want to do anything. Yes, I have friends, I laugh and have a good time. I don't know if it's walking depression or not. After she texted me about whether or not she wanted to go do something, I cried for the first time in years. My life is terrible and there's nothing I can do about it. I came here because maybe there's something I'm missing. I'm on the edge, and all I need is a little push. Help.