Please help. I know these posts are long, but please, please someone help. I'm having a nervous breakdown. I have no family or friends, and I'm liable to blurt out the truth at my interview with the admin at my job in two days if I don't ask someone now. I'm posting this here because I'm so wild and panicking that I have not been able to keep food down for the last 12 hours. It's 10 am here and I've slept 3 hours since 10 pm. I'm shaking and I can't stop. On Monday I have to decide what to do with myself, and I just can't handle any of the options. I'm thinking of not going in to work , forcing the issue (I have taken all 5 of my year's sick leave days and one more, so if I stay out 4 days next week they'll just fire me.) I've spent the last 2 weeks doing nothing, whereas usually I work through every holiday, putting in at least 7 hours to plan lessons (the fact that I have no family or friends, or a spine to protest means I can be given a workload twice that of other teachers - what a bonus for any school that hires me!) If I choose the safe option, I will be in an abusive work environment, in a horrible country for another year and a half. I will be alive, and allowed to kill myself slowly, as per my plan (I am 35 and do not wish to live to be 40). If I choose the brave option, I have a tiny chance of being employed as a teacher in a better country (although no guarantee that it will be a better work environment; however, Australian schools must pay teachers a full, living wage unlike schools in in this 3rd world country I'm currently in) or in a different third world country (which might be just as bad as here or worse - but a change is as good as a rest, right?) There's also the much bigger chance that I will fail miserably and end up with my abusive family or locked up in a psych ward with shit-smeared walls, where I shall stay for the rest of my miserable existence, never again to get a job or earn money. And no, there is no public assistance option. The worst part is, I've seen my uncle fail like this - living on the charity of family members because he can't keep a job. It's an horrific existence, I could not handle it. I could go with a third option, which is to take the money I've saved, jet off to an exotic location and live it up until the cash runs out and then off myself. This was the plot of a Willa Cather story, I think. When I'm frantic like now, it seems really attractive.