A pain that will not stop

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Leon, Sep 27, 2015.

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  1. Leon

    Leon New Member

    I have given plenty of thought about 'reaching out for support' flipping back and forth on whether I should or not.
    Daily I either sit motionless on the couch staring out the window or wander aimlessly around the local parks crying. I try and stay at work as much as I can because I just can't stand the thought of wandering around or sitting like a lump so depressed. I dread evenings weekends and holidays!
    I find myself with thoughts of disappearing from world entering my mind more and more! I am scared.

  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    You dread what most people love most, evenings and weekends however you love your work most likely because it keeps your mind occupied and you have no time to dwell on things! What's going wrong in your life to make you feel suicidal, what's happened?

    (hugs) ~petal
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Sorry you are so alone coming here is a good step You can talk to people go to arcade or chat keep busy that way. Let some of the sadness out on the forum so others can respond to you You just don't feel so alone that way
  4. Leon

    Leon New Member

    That is just the thing... I have no escape from my feelings (not one friend I can talk to) my parents are both passed on now and really I am unable to talk to my brother (brothers just dont talk well).

    The one person in my life who I would be able to share such scarey thoughts with..... is the women who unexpectedly left my marriage. I had the perfect life (I thought).

    I have visited my family doctor and have been given a prescription to help with my depression (although it does not seem to be helping).

    I look foward to sleep everynight, it is the only time I am not in pain!
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I feel so bad for you. I want you to know I am thinking about you and that you are not alone in this.

    How long have you been taking the medication? I would strongly suggest going back to the doctor and explaining to him that your medicine doesn't seem to be working, bear in mind, that some anti depressants can take 6-8 weeks to feel the effects.

    ((warm hugs your way))
  6. Butterfly

    Butterfly Sim Addict Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    It certainly sounds like you are depressed and I do think you should consider seeing a doctor as that will be a source of not only treatment but for support as well. Peer support is extremely effective in treating depression so you may want to look at going to a support group. It will help with the depression but will also get you out and meet new people who will understand some of the burden that you carry. I myself do group therapy and the support I've received from my group members has been invaluable. It's scary at first and can feel uncomfortable but it gets easier. I am like you and throw myself into work. The problem with this is, yes it distracts you from what you dread but it's s form of avoidance but it doesn't actually solve anything. You also run the risk of burning out which in turn can worsen the depression. Try and involve yourself in some community activities or a hobby just to get you out of the house and gives you something to do other than work that also gives you the chance to meet new people.​
  7. Leon

    Leon New Member

    It comes in waves, I will hurt for a period of time and then it goes away, this repeats all day long everyday. It seems like the intesity of the hurt is increasing each time (this triggers the thought of 'if there is no pain while I am sleeping, it makes sense to sleep permanently'

    All my hobbies I have enjoyed in the past simply do not interest me anymore. I am to the point where I am going to give all my photography equipment away to the first person on the street.

    It's just so tough.
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