A pathetic junkie

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by AsphyxiateOnMisery, Aug 5, 2012.

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  1. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    That's exactly what I feel like right now. I'm almost 5 months clean from heroin, but I've been wanting it so badly ever since my ex-fiancé and I broke up. And it's becoming so bad that I'm actually considering offering random dudes sex if they can get me some dope. Now if that's not completely pathetic, I don't know what is. I don't even care that I've managed to stay clean that long. I don't care about the repercussions. I. Just. Want. Dope. Period. And these thoughts don't seem to be going away.
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    That is the most difficult drug to walk away from, so plez be understanding with yourself...the fact that the urge is so strong and you still are not using is so remarkable...is there anything that can help you take that urge away, even something as unconventional as hypnosis may be something to explore...it is also understandable that when going through a difficult time, you want the drug more...I am sure for many years you self-medicated and it was what you thought would get you through...support groups, meditation, etc...anything to get you through when the sting is the worst...I am so impressed with you that you can seperate your urges from what you do...plez keep fighting for being 'clean'.
  3. bleedingrage

    bleedingrage Active Member

    Wwll it seems I found someone whom I can relate too. Hi :) I know its hard seeing as how heroin is a bitch to kick. I've been clean a few days off of morphine+Meth speedballs and let me tell you, it would be so easy to get my point and fix up but its easy to see where its taking you and I. Have a little hope my dear, heroin only has you as long as you let it. Feel free to message me anytime. Good luck and don't give up
  4. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    I think you should check yourself into a methadone clinic or any drug rehab center. I've seen heroin being injected on Intervention, and it looks like an awful black liquid going into your veins. Get help before it's too late. :hug:
  5. you can message me again girrll . i kno what you mean . it sucksssss , but we got to stay strong .
  6. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    Still clean as of now...but still struggling.

    And I'm already on suboxone so I don't need methadone. But I have to take a low dose of it because if I take a higher dose then it makes me constipated and I end up in the hospital. But low doses don't completely help :( so I'm kind of fucked.
  7. gloomy

    gloomy Account Closed

    I don't really know so much about heroin but I totally respect you for being able to control yourself and stay off of it. You really don't want to throw the past 5 months away-- you earned those months, and I don't think you want to go back to where you were. I know it's not the same but I quit smoking back in December and I'm at the point where I don't even think about it anymore… maybe you can get to that point with the heroin as well?
  8. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    I hope so. I ended up meeting a guy I really like yesterday. So, a bit less lonely at least. And he knows about my past and seems to accept me. Maybe I'll stop wanting it soon...hopefully.
  9. gloomy

    gloomy Account Closed

    I think that's great!

    I would guess that part of overcoming an addiction is getting to a point where you have a real life again… keeping busy, finding non-drug-using friends, etc… just keep at it and you'll find things that can help you to finally leave it all behind you, I'm sure!

    Good luck!!!
  10. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    Honestly I never even had drug using friends. I always relied on my ex-fiancé's connections. Didn't have any of my own. So, I had begun frantically looking for people like that, in hopes I would find someone who was willing to sell to me. I found several people, but ended up taking them off my phone after I went out with this guy and decided I really wanted to be with him. Just hope I made the right decision, cause if this somehow ends up going wrong, I'm pretty sure I'll go back to my old ways pretty quickly. Actually one of those people just texted me and I could have probably gotten stuff from him today if I answered, but I didn't :( ugh, it was so painful just ignoring it when all I had to do was say yes, I don't think you even know.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 7, 2012
  11. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member


    I don't think you're a pathetic junkie at all. And congratulations on finding someone to help keep your mind off of it. I know you've been struggling and I'm glad to see that things may finally be getting better for you. :smile:
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