A Person

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Scum, Apr 10, 2007.

  1. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Get out of my head, Get out of my Life!

    How DARE you e-mail me after all this time!

    What fucking right do you have to March back into my life after all the bloody hurt you caused!

    I have moved on from you! I have moved away from that life! I have moved away from everything that you were to do with! I have moved away from the death plots!

    You have stressed me so fucking much it's upset me stomach again.

    I can't fucking believe you did that!

    Selfish?

    Too bloody right!
     
  2. whoever that was aimed it, is clearly an idiot. i love you, ignore them. try to? stay safe. x
     
  3. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I can ignore them physically, but she is already running wild around my head again.

    But hey ho. How are you?
     
  4. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    i know that feeling, when you just got someone out of your life and got passed what they did to you adn in they come back in your life trying to needle their way back in. Don't let them in, remember you are better than that and deserve better, be selfish in that aspect because only you can look out for you.
    :hug:
     
  5. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    :hug:

    Thanks. I'm not replying to the e-mail that she sent, and I've changed my number so she can't get me that way, but it's not the physical contact that bothers me, it's more what is going on in my head. She won't leave me alone up there. Battering me.

    I had moved on away from what she did in my head to me, and now shes back.

    And I'm not supposed to be cutting, SOMEHOW, and this is making it all fucking harder
     
  6. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I'm breaking

    Can't describe it

    Starting to freak

    Starting to lose it

    How long 'til I cut

    Can't go back to hospital but will end up there

    I'm fucked

    Totally fucking buggered.

    It's YOUR fault

    I hope you are happy you selfish little girl
     
  7. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    You want me to say it?

    I wished you dead.

    Harsh as that sounds, I did.

    Why? Because with you alive and active and running around, I wasn't safe. I know the plots you made, I know what went on, don't think I didn't.

    With you dead, I would have been safe.

    Turns out you were there for months, and couldn't do anything to me. Plot. Yes, but not actually get to me in anyway.

    Now you're back, you reminded me you are back, back to your plotting ways, back to everything from before.

    Back to being vigilant about everything I do, answering the phone, answering the door, listening to doors slamming, being aware of all comings and goings.

    You won't get to kill me, I want that pleasure myself.

    You are going to rule my life again, congratulations.
     
  8. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Hang in there hun, no one is worth this much grief
     
  9. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I wish it was that easy, unfortunately it's not.

    * * * * *

    *graphic*

    :cry:

    I don't want all this.

    I want to rip my skin off with my hands.

    I want to release everything inside.

    I want to scream and scream and scream.

    I want to cut myself senseless.

    I want to chop my arm off.

    I want to strangle myself.

    I want to cut into my intestines.

    I want to insert my 'tool' somewhere that would cause great permanent damage.

    I want to cut into my throat.

    I want to stab myself.

    I want to OD, swallow the pills by the handful, like before.


    I want this to end.

    But will I do any of these things? Not today. Maybe not tomorrow. But who knows how long I can fight the images. Last time I acted out an image I was sectioned. Must be more careful.
     
  10. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    FUCK

    Where did that one come from?

    You came back into my head.

    Then my head created anothee gross image it wants to carry out.

    Fuck me it's gonna be gross if I do it.

    Knocked me sideways.

    Trying not to cry now.

    That was so vivid.

    Scared me so bad.

    Can't take much more fighting.
     
  11. Greenforest

    Greenforest Well-Known Member

    I know how frustrating it is when you fight against your own mind. Other half of you wants to go forward, but that other just wants to stay suffering in the pain. And usually that bad one is stronger, killing the positive thoughts.

    I don't know what that person did to you, but if life was fair she would pay for the pain she caused. Now she's free, like too many other evil people. Never going to feel regret for the bad things they did to others. Even that I love peace and don't support violence, I don't feel sorry if someone revenges for the bad people, who took the peace away, with rifle.
     
  12. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Alone

    Isolated​

    Unwanted

    Scum​


    Fighting
    Desperate​
    Needing to cry​
    Needing to cut​
    Tired
    Panicking​
    Hyperventilating​
    Urging​
    Images
    Vile images​
    Over whelming images​
    Alone​
    Eternally alone


    I'm breaking, falling apart, barely holding it together. I can put on a facade of being ok, happy, lively, well, etc, but it's falling, it's folding, it's breaking.

    I'm scared.

    So so scared

    But there is no help
     
  13. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I don't want to take them anymore.

    I don't want to.

    I don't want to have healthy blood.

    I don't want to.

    I don't want to make myself better.

    I don't want to.

    I don't want to fight anymore.

    I don't want to.

    I don't want to imagine my levels increasing.

    I don't want to.

    I don't want to go back to the doctors.

    I don't want to.

    I don't want to go back to hospital.

    I don't want to.

    I want to give up.

    I do.

    I want to end all this.


    I do.

    I want peace.

    I do.

    That's all I want.

    Why can't I have it?
     
  14. Flow

    Flow Member

    I'm still new to this site and yet I already read a lot of your posts around here. You seem like a very nice person. Very helpful around here. Take care.
     
  15. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Aw thanks. Thanks for posting just to tell me that. I needed a boost. Thank you. Hopefully my posts do help. I know often they don't but if one helps someone thenthat is worth the effort.

    Can't necessarily agree of your opinion of me though. But thanks anyway.

    Hope you are ok and that SF can provide you with whatever you are looking for.

    Take care of yourself
     
  16. Flow

    Flow Member

    You're welcome. I'm glad I can help in some way ;) But I'm sure your posts DO help people. :)
     
  17. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    :)

    * * * *

    You have NOT got a clue.

    LMFAO

    NOT A BLOODY FUCKING CLUE!

    Want to know something?

    What you said made me cry.

    Congratulations.
     
  18. Flow

    Flow Member

    Is this message intended for me? ;)
     
  19. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    why would it be?

    I did a smile for your reply and then some * * * * which implies the rant is unrelated
     
  20. Flow

    Flow Member

    oh, thats what that * * * * were for!! lol i have no fucking idea haha