A plan??!!!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Laura D, Nov 16, 2008.

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  1. Laura D

    Laura D New Member

    I hate the rollercoaster of depression. I have tried so many options, meds, counselling, meditation. They work to a degree but then despite my best efforts i find myself depressed again.

    I am tired of the effort and can't see the point any longer. I only make the effort for other people, it certainly isn't for my benefit.

    Going on holidays in about a week. I plan to make this the best holiday ever, so that my husband has a great memory to hold on to. After that there doesn't seem to be any future, it just goes blank........
  2. perfectempire

    perfectempire Active Member

    I understand what you're experiencing. I'm also struggling with the possibility of leaving behind a dear husband. I'm reminded constantly that he doesn't deserve to lose his wife. But I am pulled in the other direction by my suffering. Can you plan something enjoyable for yourself in January/February so that there is something waiting for you other than death? I hope that helps.
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I use to rely on the thought of my daughter and grandaughter. Now it doesn't matter so much. I just had them here for four months and they used me until they felt I was coming to the end of my rope. I am augoraphobic, and socialphobic. I went out of my way taking my grandaughter to and from school and to soccer. I ran my daughter all over town looking for work and she couldn't find anything full time. So they left and went to the west coast of Florida to a friends house and never came back. They have left everything here. Clothes, jewelry, make up. I have no idea what they are using for clothes. Anyhow she doesn't love me, so what is the sence of staying. I am not afraid to die.Been there and done that! Someone has screwed it up for me both times. Yes I have a plan and I know it will work because it has already happened to me once, and the doctor told my dad five more minutes and I would've been dead. I hate myself and I have no hope that this life holds anything good for me. I am fity one and have experienced alot in my time. The only thing I was ever proud of was when I joined the Marines. They make you proud. I screwed that up too. They found a refer pipe in my locker and charged me with posession of marijuana. Stupid mistake on my part. The only thing that is holding me back is waiting on my doctor to decide wether he will start my xanax back up! If he doesn't it will ne "OVER". No regrets, I have been heading that way all my life and have cheated death several times from accidents. Long winded bastard aren't I!! I will shut up now!~Joseph~
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