I am "loser." I have no friends. I'm socially awkward. I have no self-esteem or confidence. My family does not respect me, neither do my college professors or student peers. And my husband walks all over me. Last night was an epiphany. Belief in a God has been one of the few things that has kept me going. That, and hope that life will get better. Either God wants me to suffer or he does not care. He is either evil and sadistic or apathetic. Either way, that is not a god I want to believe in. The other option is that god does not exist. I feel better about embracing atheism after examining the context above. Even if I feel better about this, it is still one less thing keeping me alive. As far as hope goes, it only prolongs suffering. Here is my promise: IF MY LIFE DOES NOT IMPROVE, I WILL KILL MYSELF. I need help improving my life. Starting with respect, does anyone know how to get it from others?