A question if any could answer

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by NYJmpMaster, Mar 16, 2013.

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  1. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I have read in many many places about how cutting and self harm causes issues with parents and universally it is that the parents reaction - whatever is described as their action - makes it worse.

    Could somebody explain to me what reaction they would want from parents or that they believe would help?
  2. unidentifiable

    unidentifiable Well-Known Member

    I believe if parents responded calmly and supportively it would help a lot. At least for me, it would have. My mother yelled at me for it and told me that I was doing it for attention. She did body checks and raided my room for my blades and didn't allow me to shut the door. All of this even though I actually went to her first, to tell her the truth before she found out, and I believe if she was calm about it, it would've been more helpful. She asked me why I cut and I didn't have an answer for her and that should've been ok. She could've taken me to see a therapist sooner. But see, with most self injury cases, they normally die down after a while; the feeling of cutting just doesn't do it anymore. You know? And parents getting worked up over it just makes it continue for longer. I'm not saying At All that parents shouldn't do anything, but I guess they should try to be understanding even if they don't understand. Listening and being calm and supportive are the biggest parts on a parent's part to helping their children deal with self harm.
  3. PaigehBabeh

    PaigehBabeh Member

    My parents reacted in so many ways...

    Firstly, my mum got really angry at me, she grabbed me to look properly as I was crying, I was so lost. All of a sudden she was reduced to tears, she completely broke down, then, she became frantic and screamed for my dad to come to me. I'll never forget the way her broken voice echoed around my house. My dad ran down the stairs, looked at me so confused and upset and began crying. They didn't want to see their little girl hurt but I did and I do.

    After days/weeks of confusion and upset, they finally heard me out. Why I did it. What I thought it'd achieve. They were really supportive in trying to help me stop and so were my siblings. I watched each and every member of my family cry and beg me to stop... I suppose it had a positive affect on me. Sometimes I can't cope and still self harm, but I can now control the urge very well as I see my family in my head, broken apart. And I never, ever want that feeling again.
  4. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    I agree with the other two responders, it matters much what reactions are to whomever is told/finds out.

    I'm responding as someone that's not younger and who did other forms of SH when younger but not cutting. I found a really good website once that ofc I can't remember now.... But perhaps you could google the subject. It would have been helpful for me when younger if I had to. SH can be misinterpreted so easily, it's not black and white at all. So education on the behalf of parents is or would be a good thing, IMO.
  5. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    My mom said I was hurting people by cutting, and that I could just stop at any time, and it made me feel worse to think I was hurting anyone by doing it. I only really wanted to hurt myself. I think being calm and supportive is the way to go, just to listen to what they have to say and not to react harshly.
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    AS a mthoer of a child that self harmed hun i knew that she was suffering and she found a way to release her pain You listen you get the child some therapy to teach them there are other coping skills to help her heal from the trauma the pain she feels. It is so hard as a parent to see your child suffer but let her know that simply you will get her support she needs to ease the pain she is in and that you hope if and when she feels the need to sh that she would reach out to you for help. I agree totally yelling getting upset only escalates the problem
    it only adds more pain to what she has already. therapist help my daughter stop.
  7. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Thank you all for your input - I appreciate it.
  8. skinnylove911

    skinnylove911 Well-Known Member

    My parents where very shocked when i told them i did it, they couldn't believe i was doing this to myself, my mum was very angry and didn't speak to o me for a few das and this made me worse . but in the end i realised i needed help as i couldn't go on like this. P.S i have sinsce relapsed quite severely.
  9. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    For years, as a young child I cut and did other harmful things...I was harming something (someone) I did not care much about, and finding a release for all of the pain..interesting, I did it to stay alive...finding one's voice is critical...this is where a compassionate adult is most important...as others said, if I had someone in my life that cared about me, someone to confide in, I am sure I would not have hurt myself because I would have felt valued...one does not destroy something (someone) which (who) you value
  10. skinnylove911

    skinnylove911 Well-Known Member

    I also did harmful things for a long for example I took too many weight loss pills, drank too much coffee/tea to point it was making me ill, restricted heavily for months and months for me it was a way escape from how i am feeling deep down and that is depressed and very empty/worthless/ hate myself
  11. Cresey87

    Cresey87 Member

    I've harmed myself for years as long as I could remember. It stated with my parents the abuse on me and it just continued from there. I never liked hurting myself in the beginning but I guess the pain from being abused both physically and mentally made it worse.

    My parents knew, especially my mother. Back then she would just make a scene and show everyone what a freak I was and then make me cook something because she was to lazy to do it herself. I would accidentally burn myself. It felt good sometimes, I liked the rush and I was in control. Later when I stopped self harming at 14 she would just make fun of me being ugly with my scars and it just got worse.

    People just don't cut themselves, there's a bunch of other shit going on. Understanding, patience and love is a nice stat from a parent who genuinely cares.
  12. Personally, I would want my mom to be supportive and talk to me. Not too specifically about the self-harm in the beginning because when I told my mom I was self-harming, I was ashamed and I felt exposed. I didn't want to talk about details because it hurt me to see my mom hurt and I was so disappointed and angry and ashamed with myself. And she was way more supportive than I expected her to be because she usually said that when I go to someone for help, I'm just asking for attention. When I told her about the self-harm, she supported me and wanted to get me help. So I would personally want a calm and supportive response from my parents.
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