A question to all suicide attempts: Did you feel any calm or relief?

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Valteron, Nov 7, 2011.

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  1. Valteron

    Valteron Well-Known Member

    Ive never really attempted suicide. But I can't stop thinking about it.

    One of the the things that attracts me to it is my expectation that I would experience a feeling of calm and serenity at least for a few days, between the time I make the decision and the time I do it. I know a few days without anxiety and black thoughts seems like a small benefit, but when you have lived with the torture of gut-wrenching fear and worry for about 5 or 6 decades, a few days of feeling like a normal person at the end appears wonderful. If only to know what it is like, what my life could have been like without depression and anxiety.

    My psychologist claims that interviews with people who failed in their suicide attempts do not indicate there is any such period of calm and serenity before the attempt. I think he is bullshitting me. How could I NOT feel safe and unworried knowing that in a few days, I would be out of reach of everything that frightens me and causes my anxiety?

    So I would like to hear from those who have made attempts. Did you feel any calm and serenity, or not?
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 9, 2011
  2. Degenerate Escapist

    Degenerate Escapist Well-Known Member

    If knowing death was waiting for me brought me to feel like a calm, normal person, I wouldn't want to kill myself. I'd want to hold on to that for as long as I could and really live my life to the fullest.

    I've only ever made a half-hearted attempt out of Impulse, and was able to turn back in time because of an unknown hope. I only felt a bitter emptiness. Though It's not the same in my opinion.
  3. xXWhateverItTakesXx

    xXWhateverItTakesXx Forum Buddy

    I tried on Saturday night.. and I did feel calm. I went into a trance like state and just flaked out on the bed. My heart rate slowed and I felt at peace, I thought I'd never have to deal with any of this crap ever again. Sadly, I am still here :(

    So it allowed me just to feel "free".. and I liked it.
  4. Isabel

    Isabel Staff Alumni

    Nope. Because those times, my coping abilities to keep at bay the pain where taxed to the max while there was still a tiny bit of survival instincts holding literally for dear life. It was both gut wrenching and as far as peace of mind as one can get. And when I say I was closed, everything was in place for the exit, including means and letters to love ones. I have found personally that working to strengthen my coping mechanisms to deal with pain brought me much more peace in the long term than making my exit plan. Death as an abstract concept can bring a little peace when the emotional pain is not so great as to seriously acting on it. But when you seriously get to think that this will really be your last cup of coffee, the last time you pet your cat, there is no peace to be found.
  5. In a Lonely Place

    In a Lonely Place Well-Known Member

    I feel a general improvement in my day to day state of mind now that I've set a definitive chain of events in motion. I've given up my flat and now passed the point of no return with my finances where I can no longer afford to rent anywhere else. I'm living at my mothers house and have made my peace with her and we have had some quality time together with no arguments.My bank account running dry will pretty much coincide with my birthday in march and I've no desire to see that day come so it's double the reason to leave before then. If I didn't have my plan I know my head would still be spinning the
    way it had for two decades with no end in sight.
  6. Butterfly

    Butterfly Resident SF Sims Enthusiast Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    Some people who have planned feel calm and at peace because they believe that their attempt will make their suffering end, however this is not always the case. I normally act out of impulse. I have planned methods in mind but when I carry them out I act out of impulse and I can tell you when I feel that way I am far from being at peace and calm. I am frantic, panicking, restless etc. It is a horrible feeling.
  7. passingthrough

    passingthrough Active Member

    No calm and peace for me either. I was constantly agitated, there was no freedom from the pain and despair. I was unable to bear being within my own skin. If the calm had come, I wouldn't have needed to die.
  8. tammylynn

    tammylynn Member

    for me I experienced peace knowing that my pain would soon be over.
  9. BrinkOfExistence

    BrinkOfExistence Well-Known Member

    The first time i attempted was planned, i felt calm and peaceful knowing it will soon be over, however the second time was out of impluse, i was hysterical, panicking, fearful and there was a tight knot in my stomach.

    Right now i cannot see my life past next year, i'm on the verge of losing my flat, which means i'll lose access to my children, my mum is about to move far away so i'll no longer see her and my only friend, well he's more like a work friend but he's the best friend i've had is planning on leaving his job and i can't carry on working there without him, i have letters coming through the door telling me i'm going to court and usually i'd be terrified but i'm not because i honestly believe that the next time i attempt will be the last time and that day is getting closer and closer.

    I think it depends on who you are and what situation you're in.
  10. under1

    under1 Member

    I felt calm as I got up and got ready to do it. However, as soon as I was about to, that feeling of serenity quickly gets overthrown by panic, depression and fear. Not a good feeling to go through.
  11. uconnfan

    uconnfan New Member

    When I attempted back at the beginning of August, it wasn't planned at all. I was in such a trance, in my own little world of hopelessness. At the same time, I was panicked, overwhelmed, stressed, anxious and scared. Never did I feel calm or relief. It was totally opposite. If I had been calmer or relaxed, I never would have attempted in the first place.
  12. In a Lonely Place

    In a Lonely Place Well-Known Member

    I don't expect it to be a walk in the park coz life is all we've ever known. On the other hand I can handle a few hours of panic compared to the lifetime of torment that's supposed to have passed as a life.
  13. corryvreckan

    corryvreckan Well-Known Member

    Today I came pretty close to attempting. This is the second time I have come close in the last month but on both occasions it has been more on impulse because I have been really upset by something and therefore pushing me to the edge. Definitely not calm.
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