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A question to females

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by BlueCat, Apr 13, 2010.

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  1. BlueCat

    BlueCat New Member

    This is my first post so hi everyone. I am a 28 years old male. There is a woman I love very much and she loves me too but the problem is that she loves me as a brother and she says she wouldn't see me in any other way. We're very close, we talk on msn everyday for hours. Even though she says she loves me very much, I just don't understand why she wouldn't give me a chance to be her boyfriend if she loves me a lot. I am also her closest friend. She tells me secrets that she never told anyone else.

    So here is my question; if there's a male you love very much, just like a real brother or a very close friend, but if you say you would never want him to be your lover even if he's in love with you, why is that? Can you please explain to me because I'm about to go crazy and I've no idea what to do.

    I told her on msn that when a male tells how he feels about a woman and she says she loves him very much but only like a brother, that male can feel that he's loved enough to be a brother and not enough to be a boyfriend, or have good enough qualities to be a brother and not good enough qualities to be a boyfriend. I explained some more things and after that she didn't even say that what I wrote is not true. Yet we're still very close and she still says she loves me a lot and wants to talk to me all the time about lots of emotional stuff.

    Although the title is "A question to females", I appreciate replies from males too.

    Thanks for the replies.
  2. I'm not a woman, but I can give you some insight as I generally work from the opposite perspective (if I try to be friends with a chick, it never works out because she'll end up wanting more).

    The sexes really don't understand each other. You're coming from a background where you think that if you're really nice to a girl, talk to her a lot, sound like you understand her and get along, she will eventually fall in love with you. It's a nice fairytale, but it doesn't work like that.

    I'd say that within the first half an hour a girl meets you, you're either in the friends or lovers category. Once you get thrown in one category, it becomes very difficult shift from one category to another. It's possible, but the longer you know her and the more she assures herself of her opinion of you, the less likely it is. To be honest, I think you have a better chance at winning the lottery than being with that girl.

    Next time you find someone try to not be so agreeable, women don't want someone soft that will give them everything they want. You need to stand on your own opinions and not be afraid to defend them. Try to be a little more dominant, in control of yourself as well as her (but not in an abusive way), think before you speak (don't be afraid to take a moment before you say anything -- it's good that she'll be wondering what you're thinking), add some cockiness (don't go overboard and be arrogant) and humor to your attitude, and be the leader and not the follower. Also, go for the kiss -- all girls want this. Don't ask, just do it.

    Have you ever seen a beautiful girl with an asshole boyfriend? It's no coincidence, they're attracted to that. You can take those dominant alpha characteristics and leave the asshole part behind. Once you've mastered it a girl will love you forever.
  3. NoGood

    NoGood Well-Known Member

    Maybe she just isnt that way attracted to you and says she loves you as a brother so that you know she really does care about you but just not in a lover way. You are her best friend and she shares alot with you but all that doesnt mean there is a passionate spark between you two. Sorry if this is coming across blunt and uncompassionate but its a possibility.
  4. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    I think the best way to explain this is:

    Imagine dating your own real sister? You may love her but you wouldn't would you?
    So if she sees you as a brother - whether you are or aren't - she is never going to see you as anything else.
    It hurts and I am sorry for you, but there is nothing you can do.

    I also agree with NoGood. If there is no physical attraction but you are her best friend and she loves and cares about you, then just be grateful you at least have that.
  5. Stray

    Stray Account Closed

    Most likely she is not physically attracted to you or you are not what she is looking for in a partner.
  6. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    She really loves you but not in the way you want her too. She feels safe with you. She feels like you connect on a level that other males wont or cant. I cant say that over time things couldnt change and you could end up being more than just her friend. But chances are she doesnt want to make the commitment to move past what you already have. She is afraid to lose that. Once sex is introduce into a relationship like this, everything changes and not always for the better. So yes please relish in what you have now. If it is meant to change to something more, it will. Wouldnt it be wonderful to move from best friends to being in a relationship? You would know that the relationship would be good and strong. Too many people jump into a relationship and once the "thrill" of being together wears off, it's over. You on the other hand have the opportunity of the anticipation of the "thrill". Be patient.

    dazedandconfused....... all I can say is WOW!!! You must have a very closed mind when it comes to what women look for in a man. Or what you expect in a woman!!!!!
  7. wastedmylife

    wastedmylife Well-Known Member

    there is no such thing as love

    you probably like this girl because you don't think you can get any other girl

    girls don't like guys like that

    I could probably give you more advice but you are my competition at this point and I hope guys get as little action as possible
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 13, 2010
  8. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I agree with AGA....
  9. BlueCat

    BlueCat New Member

    We did lots of more emotional talk and she also told me how she spent the day with a male friend. She says it's just friendship but it seemed much more than that and I can't stand this anymore. I will start getting myself away from her and if she asks why I'm doing that, I'll explain. Because if she has the right not to see me as his boyfriend and see me as his brother, then I have the right not to see her as my sister. I can only be casual friends with her and that's only because I don't want to hurt her too much. I would rather not see her again if it was up to me.

    Thanks for the replies.
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