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A question to the suicidal people

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by touglytobeloved, May 20, 2008.

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  1. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    What do you do in your life? How do you act? Do you act normal? How do you behave? Does someone knows that you are suicidal? Do you act like you dont care about anything? Do you work, study, eat, slep, pretend you are happy, do you go out, go for a walk, or you stay at home all the time?
    Wrote just a few words about your life, about the life of someone who has decided to die. How are you spending (wasting) your time?
  2. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I just sit in my room watching T.V.,reading,using the computer,playing video games. Yes I am missing a whole world going by. I have learned that being a loner is o.k. Some of us find it comforting to just be alone.
    I had my daughter and grandaughter down here for christmas. My daughter complained to my sister that she has come down here to be with me, And all I do is sit in my room. This shouldn't have been a big surprise. I told her how I was before she came down.
    I have informed my family about being suicidal. They either just ignored it or they don't think there is anything behind it. Lets just say I gave my pistol to my brother to get it out of my hands.
    I have just recently started walking in the a.m. I got a puppy and he requires exercise. My therapist suggested I get one so I'll start showing some kind of emotion. He's starting to grow on me. If I can get him to stop biting everything would be just peachy. His baby teeth are really sharp. I have open wounds on both hands. Well enough of that. I waste every day because I don't care about anything. My therapist says I have given up,and that I don't care about anything. She is probably right. I can see how my actions pull me down. Sorry I rambling again.:chopper:
  3. Issaccs

    Issaccs Well-Known Member

    I carry on like every things fine, watching the general populations proven to be the best tactic as whenever someone announces they sad everyone just starts slagging them off.
  4. kittyD

    kittyD Well-Known Member

    A few years ago, I carried life as much as possible, quietly suffocating.
    Now I've reached the point where I spend most of each day on the couch or the computer. I don't clean, cook, be creative. I am trying to force myself out of the house at least once a day. Basically I wallow in my misery.
  5. delargeal

    delargeal Well-Known Member

    I do shit all to be honest. I go to college 4 days a week, have a driving lesson on the other day.

    I do occasionally go out every couple of months and get completely wankered on Guinness.

    There were a number of people who knew I was suicidal but don't know I still am.

    And as for what Ivan said, I know that all too well. If someone says they're depressed, they're generally accused of attention seeking. Hell, any time I've spoken about it to someone other than a therapist or a shrink, they've all just thought I'm being an idiot (even my best friends who you'd think would know me better). So now we live in almost secrecy alot of us, because the general population just won't accept us being depressed and if we admitted we were, we'd just be met with a great deal of social stigma.

    And stranger thinks they're the one that rambles lol.
  6. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    Well, I still work my old job, from home, from my computer, ocasionaly I go out, just for a walk or drive, nothing else. I have refused new jobs, because i dont want to feel comintment or obligation. People can see I am depressed, but no one knows im suicidal. Sometimes I wish I could withdraw myself from everything, tell everybody that im going to die, and ask them to help me to find waht i need to OD. Sometimes I pretend Im happy, but sometimes the sorrow is so huge, that I can not hide it. I eat and sleep and trying to not care about anothing, but still I cant succeed completely. Actually i dont care about me, but i still care for the people I love.
  7. Lead Savior

    Lead Savior Well-Known Member

    I don't work, I just graduated college. I get out and ride my bike every day, most of the time it makes me feel better emotionally and physically. I can't decide where my life is supposed to go from here: don't know how or where I am supposed to get a decent job, so I have huge anxiety about my future. I sit and listen to music most of the time, chatting with pals on the interweb.

    There are close friends who know how I feel, and I am lucky enough to have them be nothing but supportive. No one can make things better for me though, I have to do it. And when you don't care enough to try anymore, then what? I just think of ways to die a lot of the time, waiting for something bad to happen that will give me the motivation to take my own life.
  8. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i work 4 days a week, i make art, i write poetry and update my blog, i call my friends, i see the therapist, the psychiatrist, or the mental health nurse. i go tuesday nights to yoga class. i walk each day, at lunch and again after dinner. i babysit my nephews. i cry. if i am truly desperate i call the suiicde hotline. if i'm beyond desperate i go to the psych ward. most days, i spend way too much time here. i don't hide my feelings, nor do i tell everything to everyone i meet.

    my friends and family know about my mental illness, my struggle against suicide. hell, the whole country knows (a letter i wrote about suicide prevention was read on the national radio here in Ireland). I wouldn't say that my family or friends truly understand: they know me as succesful, smart, funny and full of joy. some days i remember what this is like. other days i just hate everything about myself, on those days i think i am ugly, stupid, and worthless. on those days i just repeat to myself: do not harm yourself. this storm will pass. and yeah, it usually does.

    i dedicate most of my out of work time to getting better. i do not want to leave this world as a suicide. what a waste that would be. it's not easy, fighting these feelings, but i refuse to give up.
  9. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Sounds like a shitty therapist. No offense. You haven't given up, you're still here. You care enough about yourself to be in therapy!


    Right now in my life. It's generally focused around being at home on the computer and refreshing suicide forum all day. I check MySpace and facebook obsessively, for reasons I kind of explained in other posts.
    I do care about certain things, but I'm trying to be more real and if I don't give a shit about something I don't even fake interest. I also stopped caring about my family I guess. It's kind of sad. Like I'll do things without thinking. Like I take up the computer all day and when someone else wants to get on I get mad :sad:
    I'm open about being depressed with everyone, and with most about being suicidal.
    I try not to go out that much or walk or do that much physical. I try to just stay on the computer as much as possible. Watch some porn. Maybe have someone over if there's a chance at getting laid.
    I guess that's about it :smile:. But whatever. I think we're all doing the best we can. Including myself. I'll be ok someday. I don't beat myself up about it. I don't hate myself. I love myself and I know I'll get through this.
  10. Kraven

    Kraven Member

    Nothing. Simple Plain Nothing.
    I *think* I act normal.
    I try to. But normal is subjective.
    I behave well. Most of the time.
    Nope, they think I'm joking.
    The latter.

  11. LostMyMind

    LostMyMind Well-Known Member

    I go to the gym every other day and lift weights, other than that I stay home on the internet, watch tv, smoke cigarettes (really would like to quit), eat, sleep, etc, cook and do laundry. I'm on disability. I've lost interest in everything I enjoyed since I've been put on medication and don't care about much. I act normal most of the time but often get very depressed and suicidal. My mother is the only one that knows that I want to commit suicide. Other than my mother I really don't have any friends, just two on MSN Messenger. Not much of a life really, bored to death most days.
  12. possessednomad

    possessednomad Well-Known Member

    im at university but i dont do any work, just go out at night with friends and we all drink a lot basically. during the day waste my time.
  13. Spikey

    Spikey Senior Member

    Fuck all to be honest. I pick my friends kids up from school every day and take them home. I try to be cheerful. I spend lots of time on the computer, and try to see my friends as often as possible.

    Mel xx
  14. Obnoxious

    Obnoxious New Member

    Well, a few years have passed, in the beginning I was dreaming of a far away place that would make everything better, age 18, I blamed my alcoholic mother and father for everything bad in my life, I got away to a big city, started University and my own alcohol consumtion got way out of hand, I stopped drinking after a few months period of feeling low, then it went downhill bad. I didn't go out, barley passed exams and then I quit Uni, after intoxication I got into contact with the medical people (sorry, English isn't my native tounge) and things wasn't really looking up, after a while I wasn't as suicidal.

    Now, a year later I'm just apathic about everything, I can't enoy anything, most of my day I go about trying to find things to do that are fun, haven't found anything yet. Soz, got a bit out of topic I guess, how I behave? Like a normal dude, hide it, seem happy. I have a huge social-craving, but I'm mostly seeing the same friend, who's also depressed, which means we really don't do much. The way I spend my time is trying to be a normal person, exept I don't enjoy doing anything. I try to study (having an history class atm) but I'm not very good, having a hard time concentrating, I go to the gym, I'm currently dieting taking away my only pleasure in life which I still have left, good food. God, someone said something about ranting, I don't even wanna know what I'm doing atm. Soz for the very long post.
  15. iwillbeok

    iwillbeok Active Member

    I'm completely "normal" on the outside. My co-workers would NEVER guess that I think of suicide at least once a day.
    On the outside, I'm a normal, sweet, happy, well-adjusted girl.
    But at home, I get wasted at least 3 times a week and I'm totally contemplating suicide on a daily basis.
  16. Darken

    Darken Well-Known Member

    I'm not normal. All I do every day is use my computer. I rarely leave the house. No friends. No job or productive skills. Incompetent loser I am.
  17. SadDude87

    SadDude87 Well-Known Member

    I imagine others see me as fairly happy and affable while somewhat distant, that is how I act.

    My life consists of going to work, going home to read the internet, then going to bed.
  18. RaineyHaize

    RaineyHaize New Member

    A wake up, eat, work, and sleep. On the weekends I force myself to leave the house and socialize which is damn near torture because I hate being fake. I don't want to go out.. I don't want to smile.. I don't want to put that cheerful happy go lucky look on my face.. I just want to be alone. Yes, that is wallowing in my own self pity, but at this point, I really don't care. I don't care about much anymore. Not family, love, sex, friends.. it all seems trivial. My mom knows I am suicidal and she admits she thinks about it sometimes too.. but I doubt that she wakes up in the morning thinking "Shit, I'm still here".
  19. tm2h

    tm2h Member

    how do i act? i carry on as normal as if nothing is wrong, what do i do? the usual every day chores nobody else will do them if i dont, so to the out side world im normal what ever that is, i put on that brave im ok theres nothing wrong face even when i really dont want to.. and every day that i wake up if ive managed to sleep i think oh no here we go again another day of hell,
  20. pit

    pit Well-Known Member

    I'm still in school for my chosen profession. It'll only be a matter of time before I'm lined up for a job. If I'm not cut out for it, or if something goes wrong. I won't try anymore.

    These days I practice, do homework, watch TV, listen to music, attend self-help groups, nap, and read. I also talk with a friend or two.

    Things are so shitty in the United States of Shamerica that why should I be bothered to try anymore? Like I said before, the words winner and loser don't mean shit to me.

    I like this thread. It's very low key and a lot of people feel relaxed enough to open up and be honest.
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