a raging storm

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by among the stars, Aug 26, 2010.

  1. among the stars

    among the stars Well-Known Member

    I feel like a raging storm inside but i will not allow anything to come out, im slowly killing myself from guilt and pain. I cant take much more.

    I'd rather be numb then feel this pain that is destroying me inside and out.

    Why does everyone hate me when all I want is to be loved

    I am struggling so much... i cant fight these feelings

    I don't know who I am anymore. I don't know if i want to end it all or really just want to be saved

    If only tears could cry from the heart, they would...

    Sometimes there's nothing left and when you look in the mirror
    all you see is regret

    At this point yo I'm starting to give up on people, cause I swear nothing is enough, nothing...

    When I close my eyes, it will all be okay.
    So I lay this knife upon my skin and it will take all my pain away...

    Is it okay not to know who I am anymore?

    I don't know what i want anymore... i don't know who i am...I finally feel nothing and in a way i hate it

    I don't expect anything in return, because somehow... I know however hard I bend over backwards and wished for it, I'll just never get it.

    I feel ugly. I look ugly. I am ugly. My esteem's just keep going downhill and I'm forcing myself to feel alright, to look alright, TO BE ALRIGHT for the sake of everyone else!

    Maybe it's bad that i'm crying but the worst is that nobody cares

    I don't want to die, i just don't want to live anymore

    You know you're a complete failure when you fail at committing suicide

    I wish someone could hear my silent screams

    I really really hate myself right now. . and it feels like no-one understands

    There's always someone to stab you in the back

    Oh, I'm sorry. I FORGOT I only exist to you when you need something

    I hurt like hell, all i'm thinking about is death

    I love when people make promises. then they break them and it reminds me why i am the way i am
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am here
    I am listening
    I hear your screams of pain
    let the pain out okay let it go
    before it becomes a volcano
    and spews so much anger and hate out of you
    cry okay scream but let the pain out of you
    i hope you can write it out here sometime writing helps bring on the tears then let them flow okay it will help
    You are special you are you are important you do matter
    and god i know the inner turmoil it can eat you up alive
    don't let it okay let it out so you can survive
    i hear i see you do matter okay you do
  3. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I can relate to so much of what you said...I'm sorry you feel so overwhelmed with sadness..
    are you seeing a therapist and/or doctor?
    a therapist could help you work on your low self esteem and help with your grief..

    I don't think you are a failure .
    I believe if you don't succeed at suicide you aren't meant to die....

    please get some help and keep fighting....
  4. NotSureAnymore

    NotSureAnymore Well-Known Member

    Wow. I feel your pain and it's scary yet sort of comforting to know that I'm not the only person that has this kind of perspective on ones self. Your words pretty much describe how I feel on most days. Having to put on a "face" to make sure no one suspects your misery.

    I agree with IV2010. Keep fighting. "Let it all out" and take it one day at a time. -hugs-