a rant

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by phaz, Nov 30, 2014.

  1. phaz

    phaz Member

    Depression is nothing new to me, I've dealt with it for over half my life. I'd like to say that it's easier to deal with today because I've had so much experience, but that is just not the case.
    I feel a void, an emptiness. I wake up tired, always, regardless the amount of sleep I get. I feel ashamed of myself for too many reasons to bother listing.
    When listening to music, watching, or reading something I half enjoy - It hurts to know that that temporary feeling of contentment will end shortly, and the feelings of despair will return with a vengeance.
    Suicide should be a very real option worth exploring, I feel sometimes. Wouldn't a "normal" person with these same feelings and thoughts be immersed in suicidal feelings and behaviors, I sometimes ask myself. Wouldn't that be normal?
    Even though I feel bad, sad, angry etc., it does not give me reason to act out like an angry teenager. I keep my feelings to myself, because it is the right thing to do. No one should suffer as a result of my depression.

    I can't help but feel this way, and there is no end in sight -