A Rant

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by *dilligaf*, Jul 20, 2010.

  1. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    I don’t even know why I am writing this, I don’t know what I want to say. But I know that right now I feel shit and I need to say something >.<
    Hell I miss my boyfriend. Only another few more days I know, but God it’s been hard. How am I meant to cope with 9 months away from him when I hardly coped with one? :sad: It's been horrible :sad:
    Tomorrow is my Nan’s birthday and I miss her :sad: I don’t feel like I’m able to go to the cemetery, even though I really, really want to. I haven’t been up there since Christmas, and now it feels like it’s been too long to go :dry:
    I feel like I’ve wasted a lot of time. I’m 23, I have no job, have done nothing for over 3 years, I still live at home, I have no qualifications. Whatever I do now, I’m going to be years behind everyone else aren’t I? So what’s the point?
    URGH. I just feel...................... URGH :mad: :badday:
    I feel like going back to S/H :unsure: It's because I feel like I have lost most of my outlets, and I'm not sure how to cope anymore. The three people I speak to the most, I have stopped being able to talk to as much recently .. and I'm left kinda wondering how to cope :sad:
  2. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    hun i dont know why you feel you cant talk to me, but im always here.
    Dont go back to s/h you don need it, really you dont! look how far youve come without it, you dont need it to continue on.
    You maybe years behind others, but at least your going to get a qualification from your college course that will lead to a job and some sort of life.
    Joe, yes he will be gone for 9months, but he will be back. and till then we are here for you
    :hug: love you regardless
  3. cownes

    cownes Well-Known Member

    hun im glad u have posted, please dont go back to s/h as it is such an achievement that u have got. Have u tired some distractions as to try and prevent the s/h? even if it is only a few days left to go untill ur boyfriend returns it is still a few days and i think u have done amazingly well to last a month hun :hug: i dont think u give urself as much credit as u deserve. Im sorry tomorrow is going to be hard, but hey its never to late to visit the cemetry if u wanna go then u may feel better/closer to ur nan tomorrow by going there. Hun people in there 50s sometimes still live at home...and u can gian qualifaications if that is what u want to do. People change there careers at any stage in there adult life to be honest with u so dont feel u will be behind others. Take it slowly, u deserve happiness and it will come to u :hug: u no where i am if u need to talk hun x x
  4. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    Thanks hun, I've tried a couple of dstractions .. talking, drinking, and sleeping lol. Not the best ones I know. Hopefully I will get in to college in September and then at least that is the start of me creating a life for myself. Really don't know about the cemetery, will see how I feel tomorrow. If I do go, I'll probs end up texting you lol. Thanks for the reply xxx

    You have an awful lot on your plate and I don't feel that adding more to it is a good idea. Thank you for your support :hug:
  5. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    Not sure what to say as most has been said by maddy and ems already, but didn't want to leave without saying anything.

    So I'll send you hugs :hug: :hug:
    PM me anytime you want to talk, my inbox is always free for you. :smile:
  6. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    Ty hun, appreciate it :hug:
  7. .Dan

    .Dan Active Member

    Hi *dilligaf*. I read your post and would like to share a bit. I was in the same spot as you, also when I was 23. I did have a job until then, but nothing really worth it. At 23 I decided to go back to school. I was sick of not being able to get a good job. I was sick of not getting payed enough. I was sick of being stuck at one company. So I moved in with my mom, and started school full time. Which I am still attending, have one year finished. Ya, most people I goto school with are younger, but some are older. It sucked to just goto some totally new career field at 23, but it was the best thing I could have done. I see people I went to high school with who are now married, divorced, have kids, huge careers, and are just generally more succesful. Sometimes I envy them, but I know that for ME i'm doing great. For ME i'm doing the best I can. Its never too late to start fresh, ask the 50 something year old guy im in school with.
  8. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    Hey Dan,

    Thank you for your reply .. Made me see sense :)

    Sam :hug:
  9. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    I can definitely identify with you on pretty much everything you've said, Sam Hun. I'll be leaving soon, but I'm going to try to get ahold of you when I get back. Hang in there, Hun. Don't do something you'll regret. :hug:
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 22, 2010
  10. mulberrypie

    mulberrypie Well-Known Member

    with your boyfriend gone and grandma's birthday tomorrow..that has to be really tough :( i'm very sorry. as far as a career goes, 23 is still young. there are people who started later and everything turned out great :hug: please don't SH!!!

    i don't know what it's like to feel the urge to sh, so i prob sound ignorant but please try everything you can to resist it.
    listen to music, scream, cry, punch a teddy bear

    sometimes i feel overwhelmed with emotion i run, just run and run and run don't stop running
    makes me feel so much

    anyway, you're great, sam! hang on :hug:
  11. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Sorry but do you see the arch your smilies make?

    In all seriousness, I am noticing my outlets are drying up as well. I wish I could help You more. Have you tried working out? I always recommend working out. If you cannot afford to go to a gym. Pull up a website and look up simple workouts. That is what I am doing as an outlet. Today I am going to beat myself up in the gym.

    Getting over losing a mate is tough. However, everyone tells me if it happened once it will happen again. Just have faith hun I am trying my damndest to have faith as well. I hope you do not harm yourself over someone who gave you up for whatever reason. It is not worth it.
  12. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    Thanks you three for your replies.

    On a good note - I got through the day without SH'ing so hopefully maybe that's the urges over??
  13. paul777

    paul777 Well-Known Member

    nursing career?

    Hey Dilligaf

    I agree with Dan.

    I notice you live in the U.K

    Do you know you can get a bursary for nursing? You could do mental health (your own problems can be used to help others), learning disabilities (very rewarding area) or general (you know those old folks will cheer you up, bless them).

    You will only get about 450 a month but you can do bank shifts for extra money. There was plenty of over thirtieson the course.

    I cannot do nursing anymore because I have a criminal record but I did it 2004 -2007 and it was great.

    Alot of understanding and friendly people are in the profession. You do get bitchy girls but much less than say, in fashion, beauty. or offrice admin.

    Somthing to think about

    Take care