I have had suicidal thoughts before and have come close to trying to end my life but I knew things would change eventually so I never went through with it. Now things are different, I have fucked up and there are bad people after me. I moved to a different city and started training to join the military as I thought it would make a good safe haven, after training for a few months I suffered an injury and have now lost all self motivation, now I come home from work and drink spirits and feel sorry for myself. Thoughts of suicide have filled my mind lately, I tried to write a suicide note today but its so hard to write it in a way that will relieve my loved ones of the pain. I want to live and be happy but I feel that its just not possible for me any more. I have thought about writing a letter of abandonment to my friends and family and ending my life in a way that my body will not be found so they think I have moved away and started a new life without them. but at the same time I want to give them closure. Someone please help me decide what to do!