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A recent suicide attempt. Can anyone give me any advice??

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by JAN, Oct 8, 2011.

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  1. JAN

    JAN New Member

    I don't know quite why I'm posting on here but here goes. This is my first posting. On Wednesday I took a big combination of drugs, including <mod edit: *sparkle: methods>. In other words, the kind of combination that might have done the job. I took most of them before going to see my doctor which I suppose must mean subconsciously that I expected and hoped to be 'discovered'. I don't remember anything about the day at all, or the days that followed. Apparently I did see my doctor and was very sleepy and confused. Then I saw the nurse and she tried to persuade me to go to hospital which my doctor had done too apparently. I don't remember. I said I would sit in the reception area and think about it but according to the receptionist I started taking more pills which were in my bag. They emptied the waiting room and called an emergency ambulance paramedics. By the time they arrived I was semiconscious. They took into hospital and when I arrived I was already unconscious and unresponsive. It took them seven hours to wake me up the apparently and they had to call for the anaesthetist in the end to try as I wouldn't respond to anything they gave me or anything they did. So I think it must have been pretty close. Problem is I don't remember anything at all. If I didn't have the bruises all over my body from needles etc I probably wouldn't believe it had happened. I feel like I got away with something. I've never tried seriously before and I worry that if it didn't work I might damage myself and my family would never forgive me and the shock of doing it might convince me to stop trying. The problem is because I don't remember it, I don't feel any shock at all. My family member who came and sat with me in the ER and held my arms down because I was combative told them that it had to be an accidental overdose as I would never ever have done it deliberately. I've come away without any further symptoms from the overdose so all three things have made me even more determined to do it again. I know now that the drugs work in the combination. I just need to take more, take alcohol with them and stay in a place where I won't be discovered and I should be able to die. I'm in turmoil at the moment. The reasons that I want to die are still here and now the restrictions that stop me trying have disappeared. I don't know if any of this makes sense but that's my story. Any comments or advice would be very welcome. I have plenty of drugs still at home to take and so I have means motive and opportunity. I live alone and lonely and still feel like death is the best option for me.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 8, 2011
  2. 18 and in trouble

    18 and in trouble Well-Known Member

    Let me just start by saying I'm happy you posted here. It seems pretty clear nobody around you thinks you would commit suicide and they believe it was accidental. If you are suicidal then tell the doctors and they will give you the help you need. Just don't give up on living.
  3. Moses

    Moses Well-Known Member

    I'm confused...

    You're asking for advice, but you seems pretty set on trying to commit suicide again. Are you asking for advice on killing yourself or staying alive?

    And isn't the fact that you HAVE tried and know you CAN commit suicide enough that you don't have to "try" again?

    Also...WHAT!? Trying to kill yourself is not a good way of keeping yourself from committing suicide. It's better if you can find people you trust to talk to about it. And any outside source that makes you depressed can be changed.

    No one wants to see you die, so please don't. Hang in there.
  4. JAN

    JAN New Member

    that's the ambivalence of feeling suicidal. I want to live and I want to die at the same time. I've been seeing a psychiatrist more than a year now. I have lots of medical problems, five serious diseases including multiple sclerosis and my life is intolerable as it is. I'm in pain 24/7 and on very strong medication just to make me function in some way. I keep saying to my psychiatrist that I am looking for a reason to live. Iif I die it will be because I haven't got the help I need. I had to have a psych evaluation before I could leave the hospital and the woman I saw seemed to understand totally how I felt. She said I was in turmoil my life and that's true. She didn't really give me any reasons to stay alive but seemed to understand completely why I want to die. validation.

  5. Moses

    Moses Well-Known Member

    Ah. See, now I understand a little better. I'm very sorry to hear about your illnesses. I can't say I know how you feel, but I understand why you feel like living is hopeless.

    Taking medication, itself, isn't that bad. Plenty of people regularly take medication for one thing or another. At least it relieves the pain.

    As far as reasons to live go, you could consider a couple things. These are what i think about:

    -There would be too many things I wish i could have done in my lifetime
    -It would destroy my family and probably make one of them suicidal
    -I planned on living long enough for me to graduate from college, so that's what I'm aiming for.

    ...And so on

    Part of what keeps me alive is these little commitments I make that I refuse to break. Something else that helps me when I hit extreme lows is art. It's a healthy outlet for my emotions. If you find an outlet, that can really help.

    I hope this helped at least a little bit.
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