A repeating cycle

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Witty_Sarcasm, Dec 15, 2014.

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  1. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    Sometimes I think I have things to live for, but then I realize I don't. I'm all alone and I can't stand the oppressive silence and loneliness. I try to get to know people, but they quickly tire of me, because I am just a boring person. People tell me to open up to them, but then I get shunned, mocked, or ignored. I am constantly having my feelings invalidated and being rejected and it just makes me feel like a bad person. I have had a very hard time lately, and have had no one to talk to, despite repeated efforts of reaching out. Friends say they are busy and don't have time to talk, but then I see them talking with other people. It makes me feel like I am inadequate and unimportant. My mom told me she is scared to sleep with me around. I guess because I would kill myself, she thinks I would hurt others, when really I wouldn't even hurt a fly. Well, maybe a fly, but you get my point. I just know that I have to give in to the feelings of destruction and self-annihilation that have become so powerful, I can no longer reign them in. When every waking moment is filled with ways on how to top myself, I just see that as the most sensible choice.
     
  2. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    Perhaps you can find something else positive to focus on and shoot for? Something to give you hope... Maybe it's writing? Perhaps it's photography... The point is that the best thing that you could do is not to merely distract yourself with time consuming hobbies that provide limited inspirational stimulation. But rather, seek out a project that will truly motivate you to fulfill your artistic potential, and natural gifts. These talents have been refined. And you can spend your time agreeing with me or disagreeing... The results yielded will be far from the same! Forget everythjng that is bothering you right now and just channel that energy into art. Believe me, I'm brilliant-
     
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Just want you to know I am here for you and I hope talking is helping you. You are a great person, never forget that :) You would be there for anyone, I know that and we will be here for you too. Hugs :hug:
     
  4. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I don't feel happy or positive about anything any longer. There is absolutely nothing to look forward to. And I know that no one is there for me when I need them the most. I know that because of all of the times I've reached out in vain. It's taught me that it is better to suffer in silence, and it will be that way until I am dead, which will hopefully be sooner than later.
     
  5. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    Well, I think that you are wrong about that... I don't really know how to convince you otherwise, if you are so firmly rooted in your beliefs (about yourself)--but just remember this: just because you believe it to be does not mean that it is true. And while I offer only one alternative perspective, it is still a more unbiased and objective view than yours. Much like your opinion &/or take on me is not going to be influenced by all of my self-infatuated thoughts; ideas; feelings, and everything else...
     
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