I'm newish here so hello. Recently I have been working a new job which in itself is almost a miracle, its all that sort of keeps me going... getting paid and the ability to pay for the items to end my life... Its been many years since I felt happy or at least not low and angry.<edit mod total eclipse method>. they are easy to find and I could end my battle that way. I keep on going because I don't want to risk not being able to afford the way out if things go further west. for months I have thought about suicide, the last six weeks this has really been the driving force to stay at work. IOf I don't do it now, will I do it later? Am I just meaninglessly prolonging what feels like agony? My gp has been less than useless and the mental health team don't seem interested at all. Where is my life? I'm nearly 30 and all I want is relief from this.