A rock and a hard place

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by mattsbeard, Jul 26, 2013.

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  1. mattsbeard

    mattsbeard New Member

    I'm newish here so hello.

    Recently I have been working a new job which in itself is almost a miracle, its all that sort of keeps me going... getting paid and the ability to pay for the items to end my life...

    Its been many years since I felt happy or at least not low and angry.<edit mod total eclipse method>. they are easy to find and I could end my battle that way. I keep on going because I don't want to risk not being able to afford the way out if things go further west. for months I have thought about suicide, the last six weeks this has really been the driving force to stay at work. IOf I don't do it now, will I do it later? Am I just meaninglessly prolonging what feels like agony?

    My gp has been less than useless and the mental health team don't seem interested at all. Where is my life? I'm nearly 30 and all I want is relief from this.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 26, 2013
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hun You say you have felt happiness hun you can feel it again I am sorry your gp is not listening Time to get a new doctor ok one that will listen I did the same thing i drop my doc because he did not want to help me any further and found one that does. You do the same ok h un
     
  3. dannyboy86

    dannyboy86 Active Member

    i have mental health problems too. I hope your doing okay. I care. Danny

    I know that mental health problems are a personal stroll through hell. I dont know if im going to do it or not, i just have been trying to fight day by day

    It literally is a stroll through hell. Ive felt so mentally sick at times i feel like throwing up.

    I hope your doing okay. I hope you can recover and live happily. I hope things are going to get better for you.
     
  4. mattsbeard

    mattsbeard New Member

    Thanks for the replies. Im not doing any better. I don't want to see another gp and be given more happy pills. The ones ive previously had have cause quite awful side effects and they are not willing to change them to anything else. The mental health care here is beyond terrible. The only break i get from myself is when i sleep.

    If I knew how to find happiness then I wouldn't feel like this all the time. There is no magic cure and no set time on how long it lasts. Its literally a roll of the dice. My time can come at any moment. I want to set the gears in motion.
     
  5. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    Hi and welcome to the posting side of the forum (I see you've been a member for a year). Like you I am also almost 30.

    One thing I will suggest is possibly looking at this thread.

    http://www.suicideforum.com/showthr...d-depression&p=1382682&highlight=#post1382682

    It might provide some inspiration to you because it contains a fair bit of useful information.

    Also, one other thing that may be helpful - have you been completely honest and open about everything that's tied into your depression when you've spoken to the doc/MH team? Sometimes that is where things may not seem to be helpful. There's a pattern I've been aware of, that where many don't go into everything, the support offered isn't geared in the way that it would be useful, and then it ends up with "Useless GP/MH team" - GP's are people and you are entitled to ask for a secondary opinion, and with side effects, you should report them to the doc.

    Hope you find some extra useful peer-to-peer support here.
     
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