A rude awakening

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by mpang123, Dec 25, 2013.

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  1. mpang123

    mpang123 Well-Known Member

    I just now realized why none of my neighbors visit me anymore is that I don't have any life problems like that they do. They feel that I can't relate to them so that's why they don't come around. That also explains why I don't get much responses by people here because I don't have anything legitimate to complain about and nothing to share because I just don't have enough life stressors. Well, then, should I make my life worse so I can relate to others so they will show that they care? Maybe that's why I always think about suicide because I have nothing else to think about. I AM alone because I have no life problems, right? I'm hurt but now I know why I'm so isolated.
     
  2. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    hmm, you know, sometimes... life itself is a stressor, and other times ,things from way back in the past never stop being a stressor, other times, your illness/es are your stressors.... are you sure you truly have no stressors? or is it simply you are finding it hard to relate to the stressors others have? I apologize if I have ever seemed to take your problems as less than they are.... that is not my intention, I just simply do not respond unless it is something I can, in some way, relate to... b/c I find that I upset/hurt people more when I try to be helpful about things I can in no way understand. I sincerely don't believe you have "no life problems"... even if those life problems are only your illness/es, they are still problems... and the fact is, if you are here... there is a reason. Tell me about it?
     
  3. mpang123

    mpang123 Well-Known Member

    Why am I even crying about it? The truth hurts.
     
  4. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    What are you crying about precisely.... and you are probably crying because you need to heal from something.
     
  5. mpang123

    mpang123 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry. Just so sorry.
     
  6. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    for what?
     
  7. mpang123

    mpang123 Well-Known Member

    I'm just hurt that the reason why my neighbors and other people don't talk to me is because they don't want to bother me since I can't relate to them. I'm just a freaking nutcase since all my stressors are just mental problems. Most people here have real life issues and that's why I don't know much to say to others. I'm sorry that I don't know what to say to others, just know that I feel for them. That's probably why others don't respond to me is because they can't relate to me, either. I'm sorry, Demuredawn, for bothering you for something so stupid. Thanks for your concern, but I guess I'll be ok. After all, I should have nothing to complain about since I have no life issues. Ha!
     
  8. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    I have a strict rule, I thought I had told you before... perhaps not... that rule is this:

    When it come to emotional pain, no one person's pain is any lesser or greater than the other person's... if it hurts, it is significant.


    Your pain is significant... thats' all that matters. There is no ruler to measure it on, and even if there were I would not, not because its not worth measuring... but because it doesn't matter to me what the measurement result would be, the only thing that matters is that I know you hurt, and to me, that says more than anythign else ever could.

    If you don't have an event that is upsetting you... it doesn't matter. You are in pain and you are breathing. Therefore, you do have a "life issue". Tell me about your thoughts and feelings and the things you have done to try to help them or that you are afraid to do to try to help and why you are afraid... just, talk to me. I cannot help til I know what it is that hurts....
     
  9. mpang123

    mpang123 Well-Known Member

    Demuredawn, you are very compassionate and seem like you really do care about people here, not just me, of course. I'm trying to resolve my issue I had with a neighbor of mine today who literally told me that I don't have much visitors because I can't relate to anybody there. I felt hurt and that's when I started getting so depressed. I'll keep you posted about what the outcome is between her and me. I may have took her wrong, but I need reconciliation because she has always been a friend of mine before. I'm sure she probably didn't want to come to me like the way I took it.
     
  10. mpang123

    mpang123 Well-Known Member

    I had to explain, again, that I have severe social anxiety that prevents me to visit or talk to people who are my friends for a long time. I seem like I can only stay in their company for just a while until I have an incredible urge to "bolt" and I cut short the visit. Then I complain about why people don't visit me. I push people away when I do that and I'm going to have to work on that. Isolating leads to certain depression.
     
  11. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    sounds to me like you are willing to look at your issues for what they are and see the rational side of them too ... both your fault and others faults... thats a very good thing, it means you have a very good chance for recovery.... or at least for management... perhaps its possible that your neighbor was having a bad day? ty for the compliment/observation about me caring about ppl.. i genuinely do... i know that social anxiety is a huge hardship for many people, not just you. i have never suffered from it personally, but i did have general anxiety for a bit...and ptsd..... but honeslty, just my borderline personality and depression i have now make it hard to socialize with people too... so i can undertsand the social hardships to a degree though probably not exactly. i think though that as long as you are willing to work on teh things that you can... like not isolating yourself and etc, that y ou can make it better for yourself too...
     
  12. mpang123

    mpang123 Well-Known Member

    Demure, I also have been diagnosed with borderline traits by my psych doc. Especially when it comes to establishing relationships, being very sensitive and taking in things too personally and feeling hurt. I read a little bit about being borderline and it describes me almost to a "T". Thank you for understanding me.
     
  13. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    mpang123... here are the two sites i have found that give the best info on borderline personality... if that is something you suffer with, you should have the most info you can on it. i know for me, my biggest frustration with it, is when i go to counseling and etc, they want to focus on my depression and refuse to tell me how to deal with my borderline. ... to me my borderline affects me as much, if not more than my depression does... so i need to know a bit about how to deal with it too.. but even online all i can find is "psychotherapy" and "medication" ... but nothing really relating to how i myself should deal with it...

    http://www.nami.org/Template.cfm?Se...Management/ContentDisplay.cfm&ContentID=44780
    http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/borderline-personality-disorder/index.shtml

    i am happy to listen to you and i will always try to understand, and those things i can't understand i will treat with compassion.... just remember, you are a worthwhile person and you are important too
     
  14. mpang123

    mpang123 Well-Known Member

    Yup, Demure, I definitely can relate to the two bits of info you encouraged me to read about borderline. Along with schizoaffective disorder, borderline complicates my illness further and is more difficult to treat and maintain. My mental complexity makes my life more difficult to handle than most, even if other people who have more major issues than I do. I do not function well when stressed and I think that's why people who knows me do not try to tell me too much upsetting things for fear of me getting depressed over their problems and then taking it in too personally to the point where I would become suicidal. I know that's far-fetched, but that's what I observe.
     
  15. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    honestly i know that may precisely be the way people treat you and for that exact reason.... i know because a lot of people do that to me in real life. they don't give me credit for knowing how far i can push myself before i know to walk away, or tell them i need to change topic, or etc..... idk, it upsets me that people are like that, but at least its "for the right reasons" ... out of care and love rather than out of hate and impatience. the problem, in my view, is that personality disorders and many other mental health disorders are not really discussed much in public so people don't know a lot about them and thus tend to think that you are just acting in some "exaggerated" way, without truly understanding that to you, there is no exaggeration at all... because your capacity to perceive things is altered a bit from what theirs is... at least, thats how i view it, maybe i'm wrong.

    point is though, its not your fault that you are like this, but you can educate yourself about it, and learn how to deal/manage/cope with it so that it is not as noticeable to those around you.... which will make your life a lil easier in that you will not have to put up with the criticisms and judgements of others as much.... but for you personally, the way i see it, its always going to be a struggle of a type.... i do not believe however that you can never be happy or that i can never be happy... just that we have to work harder at it.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 25, 2013
  16. mpang123

    mpang123 Well-Known Member

    My psychiatrist and therapist is working on treating me with dialectical behavioral therapy that incorporates how to cope with borderline traits a nd other behaviors that are destructive.
     
  17. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    yea i've heard about that, unfortunately, the only therapists or groups around here that use DBT are 4hrs away... and i have no car. only closeby therapists i can find use CBT but CBT does shit for me.... i'm glad that you are able to get into DBT tho, i've heard its really good for BPD
     
  18. mpang123

    mpang123 Well-Known Member

    I wish you could get DBT counseling, but I'm sorry that you can't get it. I've tried CBT and it didn't work at all. What I can suggest is that you can get a lot of info about DBT on the web and learn to apply the techniques by yourself since you have no therapist available.
     
  19. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    i've been trying to do that, honestly most of the stuff i had already discovered about myself just by trial and error, but other things i just don't understand .... and i kinda think perhaps u need someone there just to kinda guide you and remind you to do certain things at certain times, etc... at least in the begining.
     
  20. mpang123

    mpang123 Well-Known Member

    Thank you for your support this Christmas. You have been a blessing and perhaps the best Christmas present this year, you being there for me while I was going through such a difficult time this holiday.
     
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