why i act like i just discovered this now is beyond me. if i died or attempted, no one would know. no one knows i exist anyway. what difference does this all make if i die. no one would find out. the only people would know are family and that's it. i'm tired of family right now. is it so much to know other people that aren't family members or a family member's friends? maybe my death or attempt is nothing more than a desperate cry for attention. knowing my luck, if i attempt and live. i'll be proven right. only family members would show their care and support. no one i ever considered a friend would know i even attempted. i see my funeral/viewing the same situation. only family members will be there. no friends, no anyone. just screw this god damn life and die already. please. please just kill me so someone who WANTS/DISERVES to live can have meaningful life.