A Sad Story About A Poet

dandelion s

RAW, well done
SF Supporter
#1
I learned about this in an email I received from the Poetry Society of NY of which I am a member. it made me cry because it is so connected to me simply in terms of poetry and I guess a not yet realized connection to us all here on SF.

I'm providing a link. it is an obituary for Jane Marin Brinkley. I never knew her, but felt quite moved and amazed when reading her obituary by who and what she was, and at the same time, so sad.

the obituary concludes with:
"A loss such as this defies understanding. Together, we can come together to begin to heal. Please have conversations, across the generations. Talk to parents, children, colleagues, friends. Let the light in." in this spirit, it just seems right to share this here to honor her life which I believe will help to fulfill this request.

https://www.tributearchive.com/obituaries/24562576/jane-marin-brinkley
 
#4
Honestly this ridiculously glowing obituary makes me understand how alone she must have felt. The relentlessly positive wording makes me feel like she not only had exceptional accomplishments but was under an exceptional amount of pressure to be... exceptional. As a professionally published fiction writer, I know sometimes you just need down time and to lick your wounds from the constant rejection and criticism (which happens regardless of your level of talent). She may have felt unable to express feelings of hurt and anxiety or reach out for help. I know many young people are under a ridiculous amount of pressure to succeed at a young age.
 
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dandelion s

RAW, well done
SF Supporter
#5
Honestly this ridiculously glowing obituary makes me understand how alone she must have felt. The relentlessly positive wording makes me feel like she not only had exceptional accomplishments but was under an exceptional amount of pressure to be... exceptional. As a professionally published fiction writer, I know sometimes you just need down time and to lick your wounds from the constant rejection and criticism (which happens regardless of your level of talent). She may have felt unable to express feelings of hurt and anxiety or reach out for help. I know many young people are under a ridiculous amount of pressure to succeed at a young age.
it brings to light the gap between her own efforts and successes as such a positive thing and the fact that she apparently felt she needed to take that final step in spite of the efforts and successes. why was her success not translating into joy and happiness and perseverance to a significant enough degree? what was missing? and were those around her unable to realize what was building up inside her (or falling away). still i think that what was missing from her life may be apparent as missing as well in the lives of those around her. i see this as an ongoing mystery everywhere but do believe answers can be found. choosing suicide is not always the choice and not all those with the pressure make that choice.
 
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LonelyHiker

Incidental aka FairWeather™
SF Supporter
#6
it brings to light the gap between her own efforts and successes as such a positive thing and the fact that she apparently felt she needed to take that final step in spite of the efforts and successes. why was her success not translating into joy and happiness and perseverance to a significant enough degree? what was missing? and were those around her unable to realize what was building up inside her (or falling away). still i think that what was missing from her life may be apparent as missing as well in the lives of those around her. i see this as an ongoing mystery everywhere but do believe answers can be found. choosing suicide is not always the choice and not all those with the pressure make that choice.
I think this particular case highlights the grim reality that success, productivity, strong social\family bonds, wealth, etc. and depression\suicide (assuming she suffered at least in part from depression) are not mutually exclusive, Some people live in abject poverty, have no social network, have been shown no love whatsoever their entire life, and have a future that anyone but the most jaded pessimist would call absolutely bleak and hopeless, yet they keep pushing on as best as they can and try to scratch out some kind of tolerable life for themselves.. Others are surrounded by loving friends and family, have a large amount of social connection, achieve great successes, and live in what most of the Third World would consider great material comfort, yet they kill themselves (Anthony Bourdain and Robin Williams come to mind).

I understand how it can be. I had a very comfortable life (still do, relatively speaking, though depression took a big bite out of things): big house on three acres in the country, an awesome, loving spouse, financial security, etc. Depression didn't care..

So I get it, somewhat. Obviously I didn't take that final step (I won't do that to my son), but I do have daydreams about it often enough.

Andrew Solomon talks about this "paradox" of suicide at length in his excellent book The Noonday Demon
 

dandelion s

RAW, well done
SF Supporter
#7
as i was reading the Poetry Society’s comments (they started an internship for students in her name) i was taken by their admiration of her (she was an intern with them last year) and the extent they felt moved to do something. so i then went on to the obituary. again i was taken by the extent of what was being said yet in the back of my mind was the thought, “but she killed herself”.

fault anyone of those who surrounded her, i do believe they truly admired her and were greatly hurt by the impact of the event and the loss. still, facts are facts and that i think puts a strain on everyone like ripples spreading in a pool.

but these days, maybe it is finally coming to mind that when a tragedy happens, yes we can offer our thoughts and prayers but still need to take some kind of decisive action that goes beyond the person and individual event.

humans have a mindset that part of being human is that the faults that we each have and the errors or crimes ‘we’ may commit are our unshakable nature. i have often come across the sentiment that we humans are just bad and there’s nothing we can do about it. my thought, naive or otherwise, is that it is worth while to go against that sentiment and try to make humanity change for the better.

i’m ok with thoughts and prayers but i believe that thoughts and prayers can and should lead to positive action that we are all mentally able to take, but all too often just don’t. this applies both to what makes people want to do certain things to begin with, and then how we address it and try to make it change for the future after the fact.
 
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